"Nits" that I can't really do anything about:
motivation: to update his resume (I said I'd type it up if he's write up the updates), to pursue his "calling" (photography) more actively, to do more around the house (after all, he is home full-time right now)
follow-through: on career (he'd start making all these plans & purchases & do nothing with it), on being the family's "spiritual leader" (he'd start doing family devos, then stop)
Oh, yes, I could nag, but then I wouldn't like me very much! What is frustrating to me is that: I see that if he were motivated & followed through, he would probably feel a lot better about himself & would actually enjoy his life! Of course, if I point that out, I know he would view that as me being disappointed in him (again, it shouldn't be about my approval!).
To be clear, I don't want to "dwell on" (or dwell in) his problems & to obsess about them, although it is tempting to do so. Because to do that, I would be feeding my own anger and justifying myself at his expense & that's not really fair. I don't need to justify--I need to define. What I do want to do is articluate how I see his behavior vs. reality, as well as how it affects me.
To me, it's kind of empowering to define what I'm dealing with exactly so that I can plan on how to deal with it. For example, when I defined what exactly was going on with our money situation, I was able to implement a plan to work with it/around it. (Kind of reminds me of the "Bear Hunt" song: can't go under it, can't go over it, must go through it!)