Funny How Things Change
With Mother's Day fast approaching, I cannot help but think back. For so many years it has been the worst day for me... partially because I lost my own Mom when I was just 15... and also because I always wanted a family of my own. I think part of it was because in our family the women would shape their whole lives around nurturing kids and doing for spouses.
After finally understanding and seeing all the dysfunction in my family, I saw the good qualitites these women had, but I would also discover so much sadness and unhappiness. Like anything else.... actions spoke louder than words. I would learn that they also did not feel truly loved or wanted, but instead would strive to prove their worth and earn that love. Mom and Dad's Mom would both wind up eloping out of state with Dad's (while on leave from military) when 2 months pregnant... both feeling shame and guilt . (As a result both my Dad and oldest brother would see the unhappiness in the family and accept blame onto themselves (since their unexpected arrival was to blame for bringing them together in the first place.)
I finally see that just because I was never blessed with a child does not mean I am a bad person or that God does not deem me special enough for the most ultimate blessing (to feel life grow inside me and be allowed to shower a child with unconditional love... something I would only find from children, animals ... and him) I do still have that occasional twinge of emptiness and feeling like he has forgotten me.... but then I stop and see all that I have been through in my life. I find so very many instances where I was fortunate to come across special people who would touch my life (for however long with another piece of the puzzle) When you pay attention and open your mind and heart you may discover he does work in mysterious ways.
This Mother's Day I will be spending it at my nephew's. It is his 40th birthday and there will be 5 moms there (3 generations of women.... my sister is the only one on our side) I stand back and see they do all love their families as best they know how. I do look forward to baking and decorating their cake for the day (nephew is getting an ice cream cake as well) and helping the little ones (not so little anymore... 12 and 5) make their "Mom's Day" special. Just hoping I don't have too much time where I may tear up.
To all of you lucky enough to be blessed with children... Happy Mother's Day.
Replies
wheres that damn like button?
Big hug!
I don’t have children, by choice, and I find it so funny when people wish me a happy Mother’s Day, like cashiers or restaurant workers. Because of my age they just assume I have kids. I just embrace it because it’s intended to be celebratory. I have a nurturing side and I feel like that is the essence of mothers, in nature. I came from a dysfunctional upbringing too and basically helped raised my two youngest siblings. I took care of them all the time, changing diapers, feeding them, bathing them, helping them withhome work, taking them everywhere with me. I was probably the most stable and present parent figure they had for a lot of their young life. Lot to shoulder when you are just a kid yourself. I was just 13. In fact, it’s the reason I chose to never have children. It soured parenthood for me.
I send my aunt and my sister in law’s Mother’s Day cards because I want to celebrate them. I used to send my mom flowers every Mother’s Day. She loved getting flowers and so it made me so happy to do it. I send them to my aunt now that my mom is gone, to still feel that pleasure.
I guess what I’m trying to say is we don’t have to be moms to feel connected to Mother’s Day. It’s in our relationships, our connection to the women in our lives, the past and present, just as you mention. It’s in our connection to our siblings. It’s in every connection we have with nieces and nephews and friends’ children. It’s in our connection to nature.
So to honor that, Happy Mother’s Day, Kim!
I Loved what rmb wrote!
I never had kids because I wasn't capable and I always thought I would have made a great dad. After I stopped blaming God for my inability to reproduce, I became convinced that my life was designed that way on purpose and I accept that because at different times in my life, there were other ways in which I was a positive influence to kids. Giving time to another human being is the best way to learn the meaning of Love, and to help make a positive difference in this world. You are doing that with your own extended family. No need to worry.
God Bless
Bob I too never had kids but had the desire....just not the opportunity as I was seriously mentally ill while in the years that I should have been building a family.....my instability there then the time passing before becoming more stable I decided to forgo trying to have children when I realized that I would be the old man.....I looked at my Dad as old....he was 35 when I was born....I always felt he was an old dad.....so I did not want to be that at all....it was a bone of contention between myself and my love of my dad....so now I had actively chosen to forgo having any children....now I am 63 and poor enough to not want to try to support a family at all....I did teach kids and although I burned out pretty early in that career I did garner a lot of love of kids and how they behave in life....
ok done ranting....but Bob you started it....LOL
Love ya Bill !
I don't look at it so much as being 'Mother's Day' but as 'Womanhood Day'. Should be celebrating women as a wonderful gift from god. For being a mother or not we should all celebrate the women in our lives.
Happy Mother's Day!!
Thank you all. I do see things differently now as well.
Even though I would never have the joy to share news with a man I loved that we were to be blessed with a child.... Nor would I get to feel life growing inside me.... The true caring, nurturing and love is not always present in many lives.
I have made it a mission to reach out and share all I have to give with others. That will be my legacy.