funeral tomorrow

Funeral tomorrow and I feel like a basket case. I am trying so hard to be strong, I know how much he hates when I cry. I am scared to death of how I am going to handle tomorrow. I feel like I have been sucked into a time warp and I am going through my sister's death all over again--where the hell did these feelings even come from?!? Yes, I liked Fox, really liked him--he was a great guy; but this kind of shell shocked, sick feeling is so out of proportion--it's like losing her all over again. And if he loses it tomorrow, well I'm not sure how to deal with that. I have NEVER--in 17 years seen him so much as shed a tear, I understand grief and he is entitled to react any way he has to, but I don't know if I can take him being so upset. I didn't think there was any love in my heart for him, but it is obvious there still is somewhere because I genuinely hurt for him. I mean hurt for him a lot. He is human after all, I think. (just kidding).