Funeral
I just want to thank everyone for the support I received while grieving the tragic death of my brother in law to suicide. I may not have thanked you all individually which is what I would rather dobut my head has not been screwed on right these last few weeks!
My wife's oldest brother was too devastated to even go into the funeral home and view his brother's body. So he stood outside crying, in horrible emotional pain. I felt so bad for him. I think he was having some guilt because he hadn't spoken to his brother in quite a long time. Thats why I never get mad at anybody because I always believe their are underlying reasons why they get pissed at me or snap at me for one reason or another so I always overlook things like that..... No matter how well you think you know someone, you never know what's inside their head!
My brother in law looked awful! The funeral home did a terrible job on him. His face was puffy and all black and blue with streaks of red which are signs of carbon monoxide poisoning. It hurt terribly just to look at him. I wanted to bring him back to life and tell him not to do this again. I wanted to tell him everything I SHOULD have told him before he killed himself, like, "it's not the end of the world, Berk! Whatever problems you're having can be fixed" You can rebuild your life and make it even better then the one you have now!" Take things one day at a time but always look ahead to a better more happier life"!
I feel like an idiot for not taking him seriously when he said he didn't want to live anymore. I had just got back from running when he visited me and I was tired. I just listened and let him talk but I let it go in one ear and out the other. I was so stupid. I told him he was welcomed to stay with me, eat anything we had here or if he just wanted to clean and shower, he was welcomed. I kinda knew he wouldn't except my offer of help, he had too much pride for that. Always afraid of imposing on someone, he was. I called him a few days later and told him I was worried about him and he said he was glad I called. He had to plow the state roads all night on 2 hours sleep! I don't think the fatigue helped him any either. But that was the last time I heard his voice and I miss it very much.
He had such a unigue way of looking at things, he could tell a simple story and make it sound hilarious! We use to try to outdo each other, buying and selling, to see who could make the most profit. We speculated on lots of junk through the years and alot of it was a bust.
In summery we have had some pleasant memories which I will miss a great deal. There is a hole in my heart, my wife is taking it much worse then me but thats understandable. She was quite close to him. She cried in her sleep last nite. We both feel kinda lonely and disconected but I guess that comes with the grief we are feeling.
Ahh well....Life goes on and thanks to anyone who read my vent.
God Bless!
God Bless
My wife's oldest brother was too devastated to even go into the funeral home and view his brother's body. So he stood outside crying, in horrible emotional pain. I felt so bad for him. I think he was having some guilt because he hadn't spoken to his brother in quite a long time. Thats why I never get mad at anybody because I always believe their are underlying reasons why they get pissed at me or snap at me for one reason or another so I always overlook things like that..... No matter how well you think you know someone, you never know what's inside their head!
My brother in law looked awful! The funeral home did a terrible job on him. His face was puffy and all black and blue with streaks of red which are signs of carbon monoxide poisoning. It hurt terribly just to look at him. I wanted to bring him back to life and tell him not to do this again. I wanted to tell him everything I SHOULD have told him before he killed himself, like, "it's not the end of the world, Berk! Whatever problems you're having can be fixed" You can rebuild your life and make it even better then the one you have now!" Take things one day at a time but always look ahead to a better more happier life"!
I feel like an idiot for not taking him seriously when he said he didn't want to live anymore. I had just got back from running when he visited me and I was tired. I just listened and let him talk but I let it go in one ear and out the other. I was so stupid. I told him he was welcomed to stay with me, eat anything we had here or if he just wanted to clean and shower, he was welcomed. I kinda knew he wouldn't except my offer of help, he had too much pride for that. Always afraid of imposing on someone, he was. I called him a few days later and told him I was worried about him and he said he was glad I called. He had to plow the state roads all night on 2 hours sleep! I don't think the fatigue helped him any either. But that was the last time I heard his voice and I miss it very much.
He had such a unigue way of looking at things, he could tell a simple story and make it sound hilarious! We use to try to outdo each other, buying and selling, to see who could make the most profit. We speculated on lots of junk through the years and alot of it was a bust.
In summery we have had some pleasant memories which I will miss a great deal. There is a hole in my heart, my wife is taking it much worse then me but thats understandable. She was quite close to him. She cried in her sleep last nite. We both feel kinda lonely and disconected but I guess that comes with the grief we are feeling.
Ahh well....Life goes on and thanks to anyone who read my vent.
God Bless!
God Bless
Replies
Oh Bob..... none of this is easy! But one thing I will say is STOP with the what if\'s.....if onlys...... you will only drive yourself crazy! What\'s happened has happened. Pray for him, yourself, and the rest of the family. Be there for those who need your shoulder to cry on or your ear to share a story. Honor your brother in law by living a full productive life! We\'ll be here for you!
XO
No what if\'s in the world could\'ve changed his decision. Not one. Please take gentle care of yourself and don\'t distance yourself from your wife. You two should be pillars for each other. Always here.
Thankyou both. You guys keep me going!
I had a situation in my family,my son in law he survived by seconds.I will keep the details I seen to my self.Your story has taken me back to that night all over again.
Our lives have never been the same either.I kind of lost my son in law that night.Even know he survived.My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife.You gave him good times as well.Keep those memories close to your heart.