full plate...

St Luis was exhausting.... i came back totally frazzled and tired. it was good to be there and was moving, but so very tiresom. i told them that next year they need to break it up and have the events broken down over 2 days and not all just crammed into a 24 hr period. all of us there are disabled vets and cramming things into a 24 hr period is insane. the pain was unbearable and i had almost NO sleep over the 4 days. i was only in St Luis for a little over 24 hrs and the rest was travel time. holy cow.... . when i got home, i had told Matthew that i was at my wits end and needed sleep and rest. but instead of getting peace and quiet, it ended up being a total nightmare. he did nothing but argue with me for 2 days straight. it got so bad, i was throwing small objects and telling him to get the f*ck out of my life. told him to leave the f*cking island. he started breaking down crying and saying good bye to Miko (the cat) just sobbing and crying. so i called his best friend over to come talk some sense into him. she talked to him for 2 whole hrs (in the midle of the night) and told us that we have to work it out, cuz whoever we date in the future (if we break up) we'll end up killing them.  turns out that he was giving me so much shit cuz last month when they dx his buldging disc in his neck we had gotten into an argument and he thought i when i said "i didn't give a shit" that i was referring to his injury. so when i got back from St Luis his arguing with me was his way of getting even. then i explained to him when i said i didn't give a shit, it was referring to his ATTITUDE, not his injury. suddenly everyTHing changes. WTF. i told him he has no love anymore. and that's why i was thinkin of getting him out of my life. we saw the couples counselor Fri and she talked us thru it. we are starting over fresh and leaving all bad behaviors in the past and to stop assuming what the other person said. PLUs NO MORE GETTING EVEN. today, i'm just trying to get this ex land lady of ours from last year (right b4 we bought this house), into the f*cking court room and to get my f*cking money back!!!! i can't walk away from $2,700! that's a lot of money! i'm stressin pretty bad about it. i spoke to legal aid and will bring the paper work down to them tomorrow. in other news.... it's been like 1.5 months off cymbalta and i'm still having withdrawals. having brain zaps and all. saw rheumatology yesterday and they are just useless!! worthless! i'm just gonna follow up with neurology from now on (for the fibromyalgia). tired of ignorant docs. Thanksgiving is coming up, so i gotta get my mind straight and start counting my blessings. Gotta thank God for all He has given me. if any of you reading this want to be on my holiday cards list, just let me know. private messsge me your adrs and such! take care for now! Gods bless! and as usual, if you have any advice, i'm all ears.