Full of Nerves....
I don't know what it is...but I can't help shake the feeling of "Oh crap" I have been feeling. I think that I have gotten used to being the woman who prayed for children and never got them and now that I am pregnant...I am constantly worried that God is going to take them away from me. I am also scared that I may have asked for something that I have no clue on how to take care of.... I know I want kids. I've always wanted kids and I have always wanted to be a mom...but now I am nervous and scared all the time. Is that normal??? How can I be scared and nervous for something that I did on purpose? I have prayed and prayed for this...and I know that there are several of my DS sisters who would trade me positions in a heartbeat. I'm not saying that I am not grateful nor am I saying that I don't want my kids... I am just nervous about the future.
Replies
I hear ya girl!! I think it\'s totally normal. And if not, then we can be weirdos together :)
I think it\'s absolutely normal to be nervous right now. Not knowing what\'s going to happen next has always bugged me whether it was getting pregnant, finding a new job, buying a house etc. The thing I learned over the years is that all the worrying wasn\'t worth it and that everything always worked out in the end. You will be a great mother! It will come naturally! I think part of it is probably your hormones too making you feel on edge or nervous. You\'ll feel better and get past this and then you\'ll think ... what was I so nervous for ?? it all worked out fine :)
I haven\'t been in your shoes yet, but I immagine what you are feeling is completely normal. Life as you know it is about to be ROCKED! In a good way of course, but with change comes the unknown which is scary. Its good to be scared, keeps you grounded.
This totally reminds me of the movie Juno when the adoptive mom holds her new baby for the first time and asks how she looks. The response is \"like a new mom....scared shitless\".
Don\'t beat yourself up. This is normal. Especially with twins. I was in shock for a couple of weeks. I still have moments where I am in complete terror thinking, OMG, how will I get 2 babies out of the car at the same time. Will I have to leave one in the car and come back? Is that legal? It\'s completely normal to be scared. We put so much time, effort, heartache, and tears into this and are so used to being disappointed that it\'s almost hard to allow ourselves to enjoy this happy news. Another side effect of IF. It will sink in as you grow. Or so I have been told :)
I\'ve had moments of terror in the past, but this was before I became a mother - well, a foster mother anyway. I used to worry about how my life would change forever.
I mean, I wanted -and want to - be a mother, but I used to worry about how it was such a huge responsibility. And I also thought about how my life would forever be changed, where I can\'t just get up and walk out the door. I have a little person or persons who I\'m responsible for and who need me to survive.
Then when I became a foster mother, that all really change for me. I no longer feared the responsibility of parenting.
But!! -- I do have a new set of worries. We have two foster children. One is 22 months old, and the other is a newborn. I constantly worry about falling down the stairs while carrying the newborn. I worry about whether he\'s going to stop breathing. I worry about leaving the 22-month-old in the other room even for a second. So all my former worries have now been replaced by new ones LOL!
But you know what? I think some of the worry is good. I think it causes me to be vigilant and watchful, and overall, a better parent.
As far as having twins, I don\'t have experience. But I do have two small children and I will admit it can be a challenge to take both to the grocery store or even get them fed at the same time. I sometimes have to get very creative.
Because of my And DH\'s work schedules, we each sometimes have to go it alone. My best advice is to be organized and prepared well as prepared as you can be with having two little ones. I try hard to anticipate things as much as possible. I know that doesn\'t allow a lot of freedom for winging it and going with the flow but I found that works for me being organized.
I know it sounds silly, but perhaps you should make a list of any concerns. I know that you may have just bigger picture concerns about how are you going to raise and handle two children, give them equal time and affection, etc. I actually had those concerns. . But, if you do have specific concerns perhaps you should list them and think of ways you could possibly solve them. I\'ve actually done that.
For instance, I sometimes take both children to daycare. That means I have to find a way to get both of them out of the car at the same time and also pick up both at the same time and put them into my car, along with their diaper bags. I also had to pre-think loading and unloading children and groceries once I come home from shopping. It was not easy at first, but once I got a system in place, it definitely got easier.
My main point is solving those little problems that don\'t seem consequential can actually have very positive consequences.
I\'m confident that as you go along with your pregnancy and share tips with other mothers of twins who have gone before you, that you\'ll get a lot of relief and reassurance.
Lastly, I wanted to mention that I am never shy about asking for - or accepting help from anyone. Last year, I took a 15 month old and a two-year-old by myself on an airplane out west. I did have to rely on help from different people along the way. I could\'ve done it myself, but when people offered, I knew it would just make my job easier to accept the help. I\'m old enough where I don\'t view it as a sign of weakness, but strength.
I hope I didn\'t ramble on too long, I just wanted to share what my experience has been. I know you can do it.
My doctor said that it is very common after struggling to conceive for so long that we transfer that fear into the pregnancy. I keep thinking something will go wrong and then try to convince myself not to stress about it!! Lots of deep breaths :-)
That feeling is completely normal friend. *HUG! Even for all the \'normals\' that easily get pregnant on their own this is a normal feeling and thought process.
I think every parent to be has that feeling of creeping up the VERY steep incline of the roller coaster. Your about to go flying down the other side but your not quite there yet. There is that proverbial butt cheek clenching, eyes tightly shut, gut hardened in excited anticipation for the ride to get to the most thrilling part that you have waited in line for the longest time for, to feel this exciting free falling, zoom sensation :0)
My Clinic gave me a letter to take away with me today after my FET and it even states in there that it is completely normal to feel scared of actually being pregnant and that it scares a lot of women after trying for so long. I guess every woman feels like this when she discovers she is pregnant, but they don\'t have the confusion of having tried for so long!!
Thanks ladies for your support.