fuck your title

i can't think. i'm in pain. mentally. not physically, most of the time. i don't know if it's even pain as much as it is anguish. i am hurt. my emotions have spilled over and i've been ripped open and left raw. i'm not sure how i go about anything after this point. it's hard to think that it's only noon and i'm having a magnificently fucking huge breakdown. all because no one cares about me. so fucking sad, right? boo hoo. get over it. gt e e t t t o  v  e  e e e r r r  iii t t t t . people don't HAVE to care about you. sure, you wish they would. but do you really? you push them away every chance you get, are you really all that surprised? no one even fucking knows who you are. a mass of dark, toxic waste. what would your therapist say? HA. who cares? i may not ever go back there. the seed has been planted in my brain that i no longer need him or my medication. what's the point? i'm going to cancel every appointment i have. because no one can helpme. it always comes back to this. i dont

'even knowwhats real anymore. or if anything is real anymore. if it ever was. i want to get high. i want to get drunk. how do normal people deal with emotions? i can't. every emotion i have is at a 10 and he said that wasnt normal. that i'm extreme. maybe i'll be able to laugh about this later. maybe it's just a quick thing i'm going through and i will be alll llll better again in an hour. i'm so sleepy. i want to leave but i don't have a working fucking car !!!! 

i will probably be alone forever. i think i'm probably pretty happy ab out that.