Fuck being the good guy

Hmmm its been a while since I came on here to bitch and moan about how cruel life is and how unfair things are and what a martyr I am and how rough I have it and all that crap....
I havent written anything artistic or cool for my blog either, to be fair I havent written anything Since my friend passed. And as a great writer once said the best way to get over writers block is to just sit down and write. so here goes nothing
Well my friend died of a heroin over dose a while back we were very close very very close I quit the sauce and got sober and he bless his soul died trying. Im not new to death this year alone I've seen a number of comrades fall. Comrades fall, I like that term its so fancy and classy but really its just a word that doesnt convey how I truly feel because truly I feel like shit and I am pissed as fuck I swear to god if i could bring him back to life I would just so I could beat that asshole to death with my bare hands..
That cunt ass mother fucking son of a bitch how could he leave me high and dry how could he just leave, just like that. We had a plan, I had a plan everything down to the last minute was planned out how we were gonna work together how he would manage my books and work as my web designer and we were going to get our own place and decorate it the way we wanted.
Our place was going to be far from the reach of Willing Ways and the torment of our families it was going to be small and shabby but it was going to be ours where we were free to do whatever the fuck we wanted to; there was going to be ass trays in every room... But but not so we could smoke (I would never smoke indoors) but just because we could have them there merely because we could and there would always be semi naked semi sober loose character-ed women roaming all over the place just like in those movies. And there was to be music and laughter and brotherhood it was going to be us against the world brothers from different mothers....
We ride together we die together bad boys for life
that was the oath that was the promise, You son of a bitch you lied to me I wanna kill you I wanna fucking kill you..
who am I gonna tell about all my sexual conquests who is gonna make fun of the rehab counselors with me now who is gonna laugh at my dumb ass jokes and tell me everything gonna be okay and cook up stupid retarded plans
I can lie all I want and put up a brave face but the truth is I am not okay I need to admit it just like I had to admit I was an addict I have to admit my life is fucked and everything is gone to shit and no matter how many times I say I am fine or that I dont care it wont change the fact that I do care I very much care...
I've gone off my meds just thrown em all out the window im done with this shit Im done with God and penitence and being good to people and showing kindness and being merciful and all that other crap. thats not who I am it never was so fuck that shit I am an asshole and I am a criminal and I am a drug addict and I have nothing to offer anyone and that aint never gonna fucking change
fuck chasing after emotionally unavailable women, fuck trying to do the right thing and being honorable and honest, fuck trying to love someone who would much rather be with a guy who beats her, Im gonna get a better girl no im gonna get ten better girls im gonna stick my dick in every damn wench that will let me put my cock in her and im gonna earn shit loads of money and smoke tons of heroin fuck being sober fuck being sane.

STORM EARTH AND FIRE HEED MY CALL!!!