frustrated for us all

i have posted numerous posts to people today wishing i could wave a magic wand and make everyones pain go away. i was supposed to go camping for the weekend but i had to cancel. just going to the lake for a couple hours used up a lot of "spoons"! if just that  makes me use 3 days worth of pain meds how in the hell can i expect to camp amd what not for three days?  god i hate this. i just want to scream and .... and what? nothing is going to help but i am just so angry. angry at the drunk bastards who did this to me. angry at the doctors who treat me like crap, angry at god,  angry at myself for getting this angry!!! i actually saw the guy who hit me when i went out to coffee last week. seeing him drink, enjoy himself, aand living without any consequence for what he did ruined my night. for days i kept seeing him in my mind and wondering if he ever thinks about what he did that night. does it haunt him? does he think of the family whose life he ruined? does it matter? sometimes i think if i just knew he cared, or felt remorse it would help me get over this anger. it probably wouldnt. but knowing he and the guy that was with him got away scott free, were never arrested, nothing THAT is what keeps the anger burning.