FRUSTRATED BUT STILL BLESSED
I got in from doing my taxes last night and on the way in i see my block is bombarded with fire engines, people and all types of media. I instantly went into panic mode thinking it was possibly my home, by the grace of God, I was relieved to find out that my husband, robbie and I still had a home, but as quickly as my relieve set in - my heart ached for the families whose home was completely consumed by the fire. I stood there frozen as I watched the firemen doing their jobs to make sure that the fire was completely put out and that's when some of the families who lost everything started to return home - I couldn't watch so I came upstairs to pray.
No sooner than i sat in my chair, I began listening to my voicemail and got a message from the cardiology department at Montefiore Hospital that the nuclear stress test performed on my heart showed abnormalities and a PET SCAN is now needed. I burst into tears, not because I am upset that they found something. that would be foolish, but because today was suppose to be my last pre-op visit and I was suppose to be making that call today to start arranging for my date. I am intelligent enough to know that it's best they found whatever it is NOW as opposed to DURING my surgery, but it doesn't lessen the anxiety or disappointment in knowing that things for me are obviously delayed now. I had the worst anxiety attack last night ever which heightened every pain in my body so all I could do was go to bed.
Father God, as I rise this morning, please place a hedge of protection over me. Cover me as only you can and grant me your grace and mercy. My prayer is that what they found is so minor and easily manageable so that I can continue on with my journey without causing my loved ones and myself any additional concern/stress. Now that the tears have stopped and the concern is just a tad bit under control, as soon as the hour strikes this morning I will call the hospital and arrange for the additional test. Prayerfully they can get me in early next week. No matter what the outcome Lord, I know you are in control and I continue to place my life in your hands.
It is so funny how life has a way of humbling you and as force myself past the depression this morning to start my day I am reminded of the families who came home to find that life as they knew it has been completely altered, they are homeless, with no memories of the lives they had because they all went up in smoke. I am reminded that material things can be replaced but lives can't and I am grateful to God this morning to be alive and that the lives of my neighbors were spared last night. For those of you who stumble on this journal entry, please keep the families in housing complex on 164th and Sherman Avenue in the Bronx in your prayers as they seek shelter and begin to restructure their lives. I realized now that as prevalent as my disappointment was last night I am blessed because I am alive to face those disappointments, the lives of my family and our home is still in tact - To God be the glory, this too shall pass.
No sooner than i sat in my chair, I began listening to my voicemail and got a message from the cardiology department at Montefiore Hospital that the nuclear stress test performed on my heart showed abnormalities and a PET SCAN is now needed. I burst into tears, not because I am upset that they found something. that would be foolish, but because today was suppose to be my last pre-op visit and I was suppose to be making that call today to start arranging for my date. I am intelligent enough to know that it's best they found whatever it is NOW as opposed to DURING my surgery, but it doesn't lessen the anxiety or disappointment in knowing that things for me are obviously delayed now. I had the worst anxiety attack last night ever which heightened every pain in my body so all I could do was go to bed.
Father God, as I rise this morning, please place a hedge of protection over me. Cover me as only you can and grant me your grace and mercy. My prayer is that what they found is so minor and easily manageable so that I can continue on with my journey without causing my loved ones and myself any additional concern/stress. Now that the tears have stopped and the concern is just a tad bit under control, as soon as the hour strikes this morning I will call the hospital and arrange for the additional test. Prayerfully they can get me in early next week. No matter what the outcome Lord, I know you are in control and I continue to place my life in your hands.
It is so funny how life has a way of humbling you and as force myself past the depression this morning to start my day I am reminded of the families who came home to find that life as they knew it has been completely altered, they are homeless, with no memories of the lives they had because they all went up in smoke. I am reminded that material things can be replaced but lives can't and I am grateful to God this morning to be alive and that the lives of my neighbors were spared last night. For those of you who stumble on this journal entry, please keep the families in housing complex on 164th and Sherman Avenue in the Bronx in your prayers as they seek shelter and begin to restructure their lives. I realized now that as prevalent as my disappointment was last night I am blessed because I am alive to face those disappointments, the lives of my family and our home is still in tact - To God be the glory, this too shall pass.
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