Frustrated... and tired.

As days go by, my feelings towards the gay lifestyle is getting more negative unfortunately. It is my observation. No matter how I rationalize the attitude it still leans towards negativity. I am a type of a person who often looks at the good in people. But most gay men, it's either they're superficial, obnoxious, prejudice, and even racist. That is really sad. It makes me hate of what I am but that is wrong, I know. I shouldn't have to feel this way. It's a strong word I know but it is how I feel. I just can't deny it. The older a gay man gets, the more perverted he becomes. I am now scared that I will become like these men. All I see is dishonesty. And they also based their building of friendship with good looks as if it's the most important thing in life. When they see a fellow gay men that's down they pull them further down by dismissing them and making them feel worthless. I don't think this is true to everyone but the majority I see unfortunately are just heartless. I may feel this way right now, I know that this will change. Until I face this trauma that I have and fight it, I know things will be better. All I wanted I guess is the acceptance, the sense of belonging. But somehow I have to act, dress, think a certain way to fit in. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't go to clubs, I am just a regular who enjoys hanging out with people who doesn't do things other people do; a person who has his own identity; a person who does not get influenced by peer pressure. I used to go to clubs but I always feel like an outcast, invisible, uncool, because I don't look a certain way. I'm just not a stereotypical gay man. Unfortunately, in the gay lifestyle, you have to be a twink, bear, jock, leather, so on and so forth. So what am I? Which category I fall into? Why is it so important? Does life depends on it? I am just a man who loves men. I am just a man who loves music, nature, all the good things in life. I am a man who do not belong to any gay category. I am just..... ME.