Frustrated
She wants a divorce because we "grew apart" yet she's constantly texting someone, wears new perfume, clothes, jewelry, underwear. I never cheated, abused, gambled, drank or drugged my marriage away. Though we haven't discussed it yet, I know she expects 40% of my check plus child support. I want my kids 50% of the time and don't want to pay her to divorce me with 40% of my check for the next 9 years. I make 90% of the money so at what point does she need a better job? Why do I have to pay so much maintenance when she's decided to end it? I am scared to death about the time I will get with my kids and what I'll have to pay her to leave a marriage after refusing counseling. I medicated, seeing a therapist, reading Rebuilding After Your Relationship Ends, journaling etc. I'm crushed and she has moved on and is now in attack mode.
Replies
I feel for you. Unfortunately, being the breadwinner has a huge downside for you. There is nothing fair in divorce, nothing. If you can truly get 50% custody of your children, then I believe you don't have to pay child support. It may differ by state. Mine didn't ask for 50%, well he did initially then he changed his mind. Child support is something like $215/week in my state, per child. That covers their food, part of the rent/mortgage, whatever is needed to maintain a home. If you can at least eliminate that expense, and have the bonus of half time with your kids, that's something. Alimony is another ugly story. You'd hate me - where I live, and with my 29 year marriage, I'm entitled to alimony for life, or until he retires. I will decline it, acutally use it as a leverage to regain some money he "stole" from me. It wouldn't amount to much anyway. Oh, and I instigated the divorce. No foul play on my part, just started drowning in emotional abuse. Yes, he will pay, but not because I'm vindictive. It's how the system works. I do know a woman who is the primary earner and she has to pay maintenance to her husband. She has the same sentiments as you do.
Men always lose in a divorce. Financially and with their kids. You are going through a tough time. All caused by your wife. There is no justice in life. You are on the defence. Trying to survive. I don't think there is anything we can do for an immediate fix and relief. We are going to suffer for a long time. I'm watching a reply of a hockey game from 2001. This is fun. And from a time when marriage decay didn't exist. We have to look for temporary relief when possible.