Frustrated

I'm beyond frustrated with my anxiety/agoraphobia.  I haven't left my house in weeks.  Everyday I'm angry with myself because I am not self sufficient because of this mental disorder that no person I've ever known understands.  I cut out all of my friends from my life because these people brought out the worst in me, I made really bad decisions like self medicating. Alcoholism and drugs were how I was coping with my anxiety. I lost myself completely and in many ways I let people walk all over me. Anyway, I lost practically all of my friends at once and although it was my choice and for my own betterment it has been extremely difficult. I feel lost, depressed, and most days I think about how I hate that I'm here. How my family's lives would be better if I weren't here. I've been going to therapy and so far I've learned so much about myself but here I still am struggling to even sometimes feel comfortable in my home. It's never been this bad. I'm working on trying to get back on antidepressents to help (which I'm afraid of), I feel it is my last chance at being a somewhat functioning human. I wish there was more out there to help with this. Anyway if you're reading this and feel the same way I do, you have a friend in me.