Frustration
I really feel like I need one on one counseling. There are no groups that meet around here and if one on one couseling is the way to go, I am going to have to sacrifice something and pay my way through. I really need to unload about Mike's death and the last 23 years that he was sick. I am still struggling with a lot of issues, particularly my late husband's family. His Sister (and her husband) in particular who decided that I didn't do a good enough job with Mike's care in his last couple of weeks before he died, and I didn't even work those days. I was with him during that time. She called everyone in the family and told them that he was malnourished. Anyone who has dealt with cancer that has spread, diseased liver, failing kidneys etc. knows that the patient does not do much eating and anything they do eat does not always supply the proper nutrients. No matter how hard you try. His Doctor used the wrong choice of words and she took the one word and ran with it. As a result of her phone calls to the family etc. not one of his Aunts or Uncles, cousins or even she or his Brother came to his memorial. I got one card, ONE, from his whole entire family, no flowers, no charity donations, nothing. From the family that professed to love SO MUCH!!!!! They all knew how hard things were for us because he was sick for a good many years. They used to make comments, "Ree, how do you keep up?". I had no help except by his other Sister, Mother and Son in the last couple of days in his life. I have worked two jobs for years while Mike was on disability, and managed to take off every time he had a Dr. appt. or surgery or anything pertaining to his health. Thank God I have good employers. I am not trying to be a martyr here, I just want the peace of mind that I did the right thing for him. He always said to me, "Ree, I don't know what I would do without you." Why is that not good enough for me. Anyway, this has been really bothering me a lot lately and I am having an extremely hard time dealing with it. I am just not getting past it. I just want to call his Sister and scream at her what a Bitch she is. She has always been like that with everyone in the family. No one can do anything right with the exception of her. When one of their Aunt's died from complications from pneumonia after a fall last Winter, she told everyone that her Aunt's husband pushed her down and that's how she fell. She even went so far as to say it was his fault that she died. And I still can not get past this. What is wrong with me and my sense of self worth!!!!!!
Replies
In this situation, I think I would arm myself with the medical information...I would arm myself with printed copies of others stories who passed from cancer...My husband refused food for the last 8 days. The body cannot absorb the food and it just sits in the stomach...because the body is starting to go thru the early phases of dying. I would take each family a copy...then I would tell them thank you for all the support you gave Mike and yourself when you both needed them the most. You have to clear your name...for your own sanity and hopefully they will not do this to anyone else. 20 plus years of marriage 2 jobs deserves recognition!!!
ReeR, well my advice would entirely different than Edyz. I would say that since this sister-in-law has made a career of misquoting and maligning everyone, chances are that others will not take her seriously, at least not for long; the truth will always come out in the end. Your husband\'s faith in you and love for you is what really counts here. You will have noticed by now that many of us were dumped by our in-laws, either at the time of the funeral, or not long after. In some cases, the widow thought she was really a part of the family, and it was a real shock. People respond to grief in weird ways. You can certainly hold your head up and know that you did the best you could in the circumstances. You need to know that nothing here was your fault. If you think couseling would help, then by all means go for it. I hope you will start to feel better about things soon. Hugs, laurabp