Frustrated
I was very frustrated with my mom yesterday. She urked me big time. I am so glad that I do not live at home anymore. Here is some of our conversation. She is all for our current president and our government, but if she researched and studied what I did, then her mind would be completely changed. I could tell that she was sucked into the media, yet they tell you what you want to hear, rather than the truth. I told her that, and she still kept rambling. I got more furious. I told my mom up front, that I don't want to talk about politics anymore with her because she keeps trying to say how right she is and how wrong I am, and in that process manipulates and puts a guilt trip on me as well. I can't stand it!!!!!!!!!! She also said that, "I am brainwashed." That really set me off, and I wanted to act out, but didn't. My mom then had the nerve to give examples of stuff I was gullible for in the past to make me feel bad. I am furious!!!!!! Throughout my time with her, she kept nagging, and trying to say how right she was about everything. At one point we were discussing a church I attended with her when we were visting her parents in North Platte, NE. I told her it sounded like a Disciples of Christ Church, but she kept insisting that it was a Christian church, and I told her that it is not, and broke it down for her according to restoration history. She called me a "know it all," and I was more furious. I felt like I got nowhere with her. We are both stubborn people, but this is ridiculous. I feel like I can't talk to her anymore about anything. I know that I will be discussing this in counseling next Friday. Looking at what I wrote, and discussed with my fiance' and a fellow co-worker, I am so glad to not be at home with her anymore, but I do not like her. Yes, I love her. I have issues with how she treated me growing up clear up until the present. I make every effort to stay away from her because we get in these arguments and her name calling. I did not once call her a name, but stuck to the facts of our conversation, yet she was not receptive. Did I handle it okay? Any advice? She took me out for my birthday. Now I am wondering if I should even let her do that anymore.
Replies
i\'m sorry you had a bad time.
i\'ve learned that there are things i can\'t talk about with my mother...she is too sensitive, and i take what she says too personal...that\'s just how it is....
i love her, she loves me.....it\'s not worth breaking off the relationship......so, i just talk to her mostly about her...and listen to her....but she lives 3000 miles away....so i try to check on her about once a week...
i can relate to what happened to you....stuff like that has happened with me and my mom...it isn\'t fun at all. we went and visite her over the summer for a few days....i didn\'t call her for about a month after we got back.....i cried while i was there, i cried when i got home....but i can\'t write her off.....i have to forgive, love and pray for her.....
sending you love and hugs!
if she is anything like my daughter, the book \"the color code\" she is the color red. seeks power and she is a toxic red. someone that you don\'t want to be in a debate with. reds won\'t give up and will fight to the end. i love her to death but the only way i can defuse her is to just stop talking, or to walk away if i can. reds are leaders, like lawyers, politician, anyone that wants to be in charge. on the other hand i am a blue which thrives on wanting relationships, would give the shirt off their back, but if the relationship crosses you , you will hold a grudge. i love my daughter, but i know to stand back and let her defuse herself. i don\'t know if i am understanding your journal, but i would definitely suggest that you read \"the color code\"and see if it will help you understand what both of your colors and it will also tell you how you get along together. hope that this is helpful.
My mom used to impose her preferences on me. I\'m an adult and I\'ve made up my own mind about many things. Mom\'s will generally always see us as their little babies and try to tell us what to do.
Considering your fustration, I\'d say you handled yourself the best way that you possibly could. I\'m sorry there is so much tention between the two of you! I like the suggestion from Jme5 to read \"The Color Code\". I don\'t have any great or wise advice but I\'m proud of you for journaling your frustration instead of keeping it all inside. I will keep you in my prayers!
Like you, I\'ve had issues with my mother through the present. I have one piece of advice for you, \"DO NOT LET YOUR MOTHER RUIN YOUR LIFE!\" My mother is condescending and manipulative, and I love her dearly. I don\'t like her ways but she\'s a grown woman and she can act any way she wants. However, when I find that she is being manipulative or condescending, I let her know that I have to go. I\'m not going to get into the battle of the wits with her, because it\'s not worth my time. I\'m sitting around all puffed up and upset because of what she\'s done and she\'s proud of herself. Nope, not anymore. There are certain issues we just don\'t discuss...even if I KNOW that I\'m right. I learned something from a woman a long time ago, when you know you\'re right, you don\'t have to argue. You have a wonderful life ahead of you if you want. Don\'t allow anyone to ruin it. God bless you, young lady.
May I say as a mom that you have do have to give respect to her you don\'t have to like her ways. I know you know that the word tells us to Honor our Mother and Father and you shall have a long life. We wrestle not against flesh and blood but principalities of the dark!
You don\'t have to agree with your mom but you have to respect her enough to let her have her opinion just as you have your opinion. You will have to learn what topics that upset you and don\'t talk about them with her. If she disagrees with your opinions thats ok. She doesn\'t have to agree nor do you with her. But you do need to Honor her. You both will have to come to terms of what you can talk about. I have found out the best thing in these situations is just to listen and not voice my opinion. Silence is golden!
I let my daughters voice their opinions and if I don\'t agree I just don\'t respond and move on to something else. I respect them enough that I don\'t need to go there. I did the same with my mom when she was alive.
There will be one that is always the \"Peacemaker.\" I choose to be the \"Peacemaker\" and have found this to be more rewarding and beneficial in my relationships with my children. Its the plan of Satan to destroy relationships and I am smarter then his demons because of Jesus Christ.
So I want to pray for you!
Father God, Give Eklord wisdom to know when its the devil trying to bring division between her mother and herself. I speak peace over their relationship and ask you to bring restoration between the two of them regardless of their lifestyle, opinions and feelings. I ask you to give Eklord agape love that all she sees in her mom is the love of Jesus Christ and not her faults for we all have faults. I speak healing into Eklords mind, will and emotions in the name of Jesus Chris I pray. I plead the blood of Jesus over them both.
Much love,
Joy2Go
With all due respect but why must this all be carried out to point of you not liking her. Just like you she has opinions and beliefs about the world she lives in. Maybe you should be the better person and instead of an argument over something you very well may be right about in the first place, simply ending the discussion topic and move on to something else.
She is your mother and enjoy her while she is still with you. Life is very fragile and you don\'t want to have any regrets on how you feel towards your mom. Do your best to enjoy her and understand her.