Frustrated

Well, another month of asking, "What the heck is going on with my body?" Wednesday morning got up feeling no cramps, but when I went to the bathroom- bright red.  The remainder of the day the only spotting I had was dark brown and was on and off.  Thursday's spotting was only when I wiped, and again was dark brown, and again, no cramping.  Last night we were optimistic that maybe the spotting was just that, spotting- I mean really, two days of it, and no cramping??  Well, this morning the optimism faded at 5:00 in the morning when I was woken up with cramping.  Got up, went to the bathroom, and crap- a HUGE clot- TMI I know- but it was very abnormal.  Went back to bed with the heating pad to help with the cramping, as I am really trying to stay away from any kind of pain meds.  When I got up at 7:00 to take my shower the pain got worse and so I broke down and took a 800 mg of ibroprofrin (spelling???)  Had to sit down to put on my makeup, but knew I had to make it into school because I didn't have sub plans ready.  Figured that the pill would take the edge off the pain.  Walking to work ( I live a half a block from the school I teach at) I started to feel sick but thought all I needed was time.  By the time I reached my classroom I had to sit down and put my head between my legs because I felt like I would pass out.  I ran to the bathroom 3 times in the matter of not even 20 minutes, and actually layed on the bathroom floor because I was so light headed and clammy- I was shivering, but sweating-What the heck was going on??  Cramps I can see, but this-  scary.  I made it back to my room and asked the teacher across the hall to take over my class and went to my friend's classroom to lie down- after stopping at the bathroom again.  It took everything I had to get to her room and lie down on the cold floor- I was sweating so bad and was in so much pain.  I had to wait until she came back to her room so that she could call the office for me and then bring me home- the pain was too intense for me to walk home, and I felt as though I would pass out at any minute.  Now, this is the second time this has ever happened to me when my period came.  About two years ago I never even made it to school, as my husband found me on the kitchen floor in the fetal position one morning in so much pain he almost took me to the emergency room- that month I was four days late- After choking down a pain pill that time and getting sick and feeling like I was was going to die, the pain finally subsided. This morning I called my husband right away and he told me to call my OBGYN to see what he wanted me to do.  Mind you, seeing as I have only had light spotting, today would technically be considered day one- meaning today would have been 31 of my last cycle.  When I had told my RE about the first experience he thought it was probably a chemical pregnancy, but I never took a test and didn't go in to the Dr. so we will never know.  My Dr's nurse wasn't in yet, but the receptionist took my messege and flagged it as urgent- which worked because Marie (I love her and know her voice) called me not even 10 minutes later when she saw that it was me who had called.  I explained everything to her and she said that yes, I should come in for a PG test, but needed to talk to the Dr.  She called back about 5 minutes later (can I say again how much I love her for not making me wait) and said the Dr. wanted to do a Beta test and also some other blood work- can't remember what the names of the tests were- or what they were for.  By this time my pills had kicked in and the cramps were bearable, which is good because my OBGYN is 30 minutes away.  All the way there I was praying that no one in the lab would wish me luck when they saw what kind of blood test I was having- and thankfully they didn't- instead they gave me this sad look- which means that whatever other kinds of test were ordered tipped them off as to what might be going on.  Two vials later I was out and on my way home. So now I wait.......  She promised that she would call as soon as she had the results in a few hours.  The question is- I am not sure what I hope to hear on the other end of the phone- that yes, I was pregnant but it was only a chemical pregnancy, or get a complete negative.  Does it matter?  Part of me hopes that I have some kind of Beta number- meaning that atleast I was finally able to get pregnant- but the other part of me doesn't know how I am going to take knowing that I was pregnant for two weeks and now nothing...... To make the situation worse- the 800 mg did its' job and I am pain free--at home-  I am exhausted which helps me feel not as guilty, but I really hate being home with a sub in my classroom when I feel fine.  I also already called into work for tonight at the restaurant and told them that I won't be in-  even though physically I may be okay- after the phone call this afternoon, who knows how I will be feeling emotionally.  And so the wait continues.... sucks knowing that no matter what the news won't be my BFP either way......  This sucks.