From good to bad to o.k.

Well, my sinus infection is better so that is good.  I had a good day until I had a full blown panic attack this evening.  My family  had all sat down to watch a movie and then bam attack.  I went to my bedroom took 2mgs of xanax and a pill for my heartrate and rested for about 1 1/2 hrs and I finally started feeling better.  I felt like I was dying but I had to be calm and do my deep breathing and talk positive and tell myself I could get through this and I feel better now. I haven't been seeing a therapist so now that I'm out of work AGAIN I guess I will call to see if I can attend the support group at our local Mental Health Center.  I have been putting off appying for disability but I  think I need to because I have been fired from so many jobs because of this depression and panic.  If I don't get it I will hire a lawyer. I am started to feel sleepy so I guess I'd better get to bed.  Maybe a good nights rest will help me.  I was on the go all day and then the attack so that keeps me from wanting to do anything for fear of having another attack.  It is just so frustrating because I don't get alot of time with my 13 year old and now I didn't get to watch the movie with him. I try not to let this get to me but it is really hard.  I hope all my friends out there will say a prayer for me in that things will get better.