From enabler to a better Father..
Well guess it's hig time I pratice what I be preachin and step up to the plate...See I'm an enabler...meaning thru my actions or lack of ... I encourage my 18 year old son to be a slacker...a mooch... and down right lazy... Yepp...See with my disabilities, chronic pain, and abusive past, I'd rather just go with the flow than to make waves.......Sooo...I have to find some positive ways to encourage my son to help out around the house and to learn to get ready of a life of his own...To day is the first of the Or Else .... motivators I'm planing on using... I'm gonna get with our therapist tommorrow and see if they have some constructive advice to use in this area... I'm taking my son along so we can explore these new ideas together...and he will have to comply or else...bye bye cabe and computer use... I'll disconnect em if I have too... time to be a father and make those hard decisions I'm always avoiding cause I love him so much ... I don't know where I'm gonna find the energy to do this, but somehow I must...I realise loving a child sometimes mean taking an unpopular course of action to encourage personal growth... and learning... So wish me luck... hey dang it workin already! he just got up and went to do a sink load of dishes.. with out me yellin at him... (thank ya Lord...for real) I'm gonna go fall out ....best wishes and many blessing russ
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Yep it is hard to give tough love. But I think when they know you are going to stand hard and not waffle and that you are doing it because you love them they start to change. My son canceled his 15 yr old\'s cell phone after he told him to watch the text message charges. Man was that kid surprised when his phone did work. After he earned the money to pay the bill he got it turned back on.
Good Luck on the tough love!
Russ I raised two sons and I recall how I wanted them to be able to take care of themselves one day.
I had to learn to let them go,to bump,to get knocks and learn what hard times felt like along the way.It hurt as I stood on the side lines and watched them get up and struggle to grow up.
They grew up became men and I am a very proud mom of their achievements.Of course my oldest son died in 1997.But before he died he was a wonderful caring paramedic.He put himself through school.He graduated from sports medicine at Baylor college of medicine with a goverment grant.He taught CPR training for the red cross and was a fitness coach.My youngest has a degree in law inforcement.None of which I had anything to do with except that I cut them loose to fly and carry out their dreams.
I say all this because DJ is young,and he has the whole world ahead of him.Do him the greatest favor you will ever do and thats show him the path and let him fly.Hes a young man and toughening up wont hurt him,soon he will be a grown man on his own.
When he looks back he will see you and you will cast a giant shadow.Not because of your size but because you wasnt easy and he grew up to learn the ropes.But that you are dad your number 1 your the man!!
Italiangrit. i agree with you 100%, except in DJ\'s case this kid has some serious mental and emotional problem... tossin him outta the nest is like throwin a lamb to the wolves...
See first of all the good grades he got his senior year of school... well they was fake... just a showy desplay of our educational system and the no child left behind...
What I have to do is find the right motivator, and use it ... he\'s applied at numberous of place this last month for jobs.. he\'s willing to work, just he\'s being past over for one reason or another... and he can not read well and has problems understanding simple instructions...
maybe I could blame his mom for using druggs while she was pregant... cause she did... and DJ was constantly monitored the first year of his life... and he cried all the time like a crack baby... Only I didn\'t know this information at that time... I learned it years later...
if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and goes Moooooo... something is seriously wrong.. this is what I have to find a way to deal with and get that duck to quack... lol...is that quacked or what... least he\'s a good kid... don\'t drink, smoke or use druggs..
Yepp ya right I need to be firm...
Day one went well... no screamin or yellin... DJ earned 2 hours on the computer... he cleaned his room... (sort of)and washed dishes...even fed the doggy ... I\'m gonna ask my therapist today to help me find a way to teach doyle to read better, see if I can figure out why he\'s not understanding what he hears that\'s the Audio part of his Dsylexia..
Okay I see what you mean now I had no real idea what the problem was with DJ.Just thought he was having some independant pains.But now I understand more since you explained it.
Poor kid yes indeed talk to your therapist and see what can be done to help him.Maybe contact the state and see if there are any training programs that you qualify for,for DJ.
Theres help out there you just have to beat the bushes to find it.You got a great tool the internet see where www.gov.org can lead you.
I will pray for DJ the good lord can help and I believe in prayer.
God bless you.
~Rachel~