Friday sucked
I overslept, despite the alarm and then the phone going off four or five times. Only by about 15 minutes, but that was in addition to oversleeping twice this week besides, with the alarms set. Missed my therapy appt. on Thursday, too as a result. It's really not a surprise, the director at my job wanted to meet Friday morn about my job performance (which, until this week, I have not missed anytime except once, as I tried to develop a more copesthetic routine). I'm sure it would be less stress to just get fired, on one hand, than to be micromanaged and put under a microscope every day.
After the "meeting", which was more or less my having to sign a paper that says I can be fired for anything I don't do (that she wants) or for whatever, I started listening to what I had heard.
I was compared to "everyone else" several times. I don't think anyone else there has PTSD. I don't think anyone else is scraping the bottom of their checking account because of a psycho Husband who keeps forcing legal fees onto me. I don't think anyone else there has a car that's about ready to take the big dive. And nobody else there ONLY has 9 hours a week yet is expected to come in at least 4- 5 times a week. It costs me the most TO be there, because I live at the greatest distance. So it finally hit me, too, that she is NOT comparing apples to apples and IS holding me to a much higher standard. And I have tried to meet that, but I have not been able to. So I am thinking what next to do. Not to mention that she is grousing about hygiene (bathrooms); I know for fact that larger libraries do not have the bathrooms cleaned EVERY SINGLE DAY and often, when I come in, 3 of four need NOTHING, while the fourth needs a (less than) one minute wipe down.
After the "meeting", which was more or less my having to sign a paper that says I can be fired for anything I don't do (that she wants) or for whatever, I started listening to what I had heard.
I was compared to "everyone else" several times. I don't think anyone else there has PTSD. I don't think anyone else is scraping the bottom of their checking account because of a psycho Husband who keeps forcing legal fees onto me. I don't think anyone else there has a car that's about ready to take the big dive. And nobody else there ONLY has 9 hours a week yet is expected to come in at least 4- 5 times a week. It costs me the most TO be there, because I live at the greatest distance. So it finally hit me, too, that she is NOT comparing apples to apples and IS holding me to a much higher standard. And I have tried to meet that, but I have not been able to. So I am thinking what next to do. Not to mention that she is grousing about hygiene (bathrooms); I know for fact that larger libraries do not have the bathrooms cleaned EVERY SINGLE DAY and often, when I come in, 3 of four need NOTHING, while the fourth needs a (less than) one minute wipe down.
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Dear Dadda
I am going to write some comments that you probably will not enjoy but they come from my many years of work experience in over 20 different jobs from waitress to college professor, from being a high school dropout to being a Ph.D. As hard as it is to hear, your personal problems are YOURS, not HERS. Yes, occasionally you will find an employer who will have empathy and work with you . . . but that is rare. For the most part, they are paying you to do a job and whatever is in your life that hampers your ability to do that job is your problem. The employer has to look out for the best interests of the company and the fairness to other employees. Every time you are late, believe me, there are others watching the clock ready to complain about how you get special treatment. An occasional misstep on your part might be overlooked, but repeated lateness really is not fair to either the other workers or the company. It is so true that when you are down it seems everything goes wrong, but all the more reason to protect your job. Your legal fees, your distance from work, your oversleeping . . . if any employer chooses to overlook or work around these issues then they are doing you a BIG favor. None of these are factors that should enter the work place. Like it or not, most of us are all WAGE SLAVES, living pay-check-to-paycheck. Be grateful she didn\'t fire you. You really must either find a new job or protect the one you have or your life will get much worse. I hope you take this post in the kind spirit in which it was meant. Tough Love, but love nonetheless. Hugs.
I think Quepasa\'s comments are wise. A difficult lump to swallow but I could be doing a bit better at my job too...
Dang it - this divorce is distracting...
I wonder if I will have to power to suck it up and make it happen with the craziness I have going on around me? Your situation is going to make me stronger so thank you so much for sharing your journal.
My husband is an attorney and he loves conflict and litigation. I know it will be his primary method of defending himself. Tie down in legalities... I share this with you as well.
Hang in there.