Friday Musings
Well, I joined - and was almost immediately greeted/welcomed by some very kind people to "the group", for lack of a better term. I don't know if this constitutes a "first step", but it certainly is a first for me.
I'm a stubborn Irish guy, in many ways. I have always rejected the notion that something - anything - could control me, or have any kind of undue influence over me without my complicit allowance. Smoking, for example... I spent my HS years as an athlete. A distance runner... a football player... a soccer player. I ran, and could run forever. Then, in college, I began one of the stupidest, most self-destructive behaviors ANY person could ever practice. I began smoking. I was in a fraternity, and it seemed like the "cool" thing to do. Many of my "brothers" smoked, so.... you get the idea.
In the back of my mind, even as a developing young-man, I kept a mental "throttle" on the whole smoking thing. I never smoked during the day, never smoked in my car, and never smoked when I was working or doing studies. It was purely an "after all is said and done" behavior. That was my way of rejecting the "control" that it could possibly have on me.
It was also during my college years that I learned another self-destructive behavior.... drinking in excess. While it wasn't a daily thing, it was certainly an "every weekend" thing, and the "normal" practice of having a drink was replaced by the urge to "get to the next drink". I didn't worry too much at the time - everyone was doing this. It was college, after all.
After graduation, I moved into the professional world. I was somewhat surprised to find that there was a "drinking fraternity" in the business world also... and I had no problem joining the ranks. In fact, I can say that my career probably benefited from this participation, as I made many, many professional acquaintances in social settings - with plenty of booze flowing - that served me well in subsequent years. At least, professionally they did.
Fast forward a decade or so, and - well - it's another story now. Now, it is no longer a social behavior. In fact, it is almost certainly an ant-social practice for me today. In the words of George Thorogood... "I drink alone... yeah, with nobody else. And you know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself."
Here is to hoping that this personal "first step" is in the right direction, and takes me somewhere that I need to be. I want this, regardless of how much I want something quite the opposite at any given moment.
I'm a stubborn Irish guy, in many ways. I have always rejected the notion that something - anything - could control me, or have any kind of undue influence over me without my complicit allowance. Smoking, for example... I spent my HS years as an athlete. A distance runner... a football player... a soccer player. I ran, and could run forever. Then, in college, I began one of the stupidest, most self-destructive behaviors ANY person could ever practice. I began smoking. I was in a fraternity, and it seemed like the "cool" thing to do. Many of my "brothers" smoked, so.... you get the idea.
In the back of my mind, even as a developing young-man, I kept a mental "throttle" on the whole smoking thing. I never smoked during the day, never smoked in my car, and never smoked when I was working or doing studies. It was purely an "after all is said and done" behavior. That was my way of rejecting the "control" that it could possibly have on me.
It was also during my college years that I learned another self-destructive behavior.... drinking in excess. While it wasn't a daily thing, it was certainly an "every weekend" thing, and the "normal" practice of having a drink was replaced by the urge to "get to the next drink". I didn't worry too much at the time - everyone was doing this. It was college, after all.
After graduation, I moved into the professional world. I was somewhat surprised to find that there was a "drinking fraternity" in the business world also... and I had no problem joining the ranks. In fact, I can say that my career probably benefited from this participation, as I made many, many professional acquaintances in social settings - with plenty of booze flowing - that served me well in subsequent years. At least, professionally they did.
Fast forward a decade or so, and - well - it's another story now. Now, it is no longer a social behavior. In fact, it is almost certainly an ant-social practice for me today. In the words of George Thorogood... "I drink alone... yeah, with nobody else. And you know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself."
Here is to hoping that this personal "first step" is in the right direction, and takes me somewhere that I need to be. I want this, regardless of how much I want something quite the opposite at any given moment.
Replies
Read your post. I was a drinker like you except a bit out of control in my younger years. I found that I was drinking daily and looking forward to coming home for a glass of wine. I found that one was turning into two. No one complained about my drinking, but I felt more irritable, tired, self centered, and withdrawn from my friends and family. I didnt want to go the the pizza hut for dinner because they did not have wine. I joined the sit on Jan 2 and have not drank since. I have attended AA twice and it has been supportive. The support from this site has been so helpful. Good luck to you.