Friday morning,tired but awake if nothing else

Good morning journal,the time is 6:46am,I was awakened by,yep,you guessed it,Buttons.Once again I got up to let her out,turned around,and there she was all snuggled up in my place again,just like countless times before when she has tricked me in just the same way,and once again I fell for it hook,line and sinker.This morning I am very tired and I don't know why,I was up early yesterday with the result that I was so tired around 11:00am that I went to lay down again,I slept like a drugged man until 5:20pm,and,after dinner,which I almost managed to finish,which is good for me,I watched a couple of soccer games on television before retiring to bed after my night medication at about 10:30pm,I fell asleep very quickly and remained so until Buttons did her thing again this morning.I decided early yesterday morning to take matters into my own hands a little,so I called the disability department to find out if there was anything they could tell me about my application,"it's still with the assessors",I was told,"fine,can you give me a number for them?",surprisingly they did,so I called them next.They are called Atos Healthcare,no,I don't know what it stands for either,anyway,the guy there took my details and checked for me,"yes,we are still looking at your claim details and you will receive notification for a face to face assessment in due course"."How long will that take?",I asked hopefully,"I don't know",said the voice on the other end of the telephone,so I told him that my former social worker before the one I have now,said that she thought I may not need the face to face assessment,the guy hesitated before saying,"oh that's only if a claimant is really ill",what am I,chopped liver?. I ended the conversation after he said,"I can't give you an estimate time wise,but it shouldn't be too long,now,can I do anything  else for you today?",I said,"no thank you",and put the receiver down and thought to myself,"well,that's twenty minutes of my life that I'll never get back again",How do these people gauge illness?,do they have a sliding scale of ailments that they count up points on,I thought about his answer,"that's only if a claimant is really ill",does that mean that you have to have a terminal illness?,an illness that will eventually kill you?,hello?,I have advanced COPD/Emphysema,it doesn't get better,it gets worse,and,eventually it will kill me,doesn't that count?. I have type 2 diabetes,asthma,arthritis,and just to top it off nicely,I have a mental illness,.....how sick do you have to be to get help?,I'm obviously not sick enough,oh,I forgot to throw in my tachycardia and muscular atrophy in both my legs and my upper torso as well,still not sick enough?,well,it's all I got folks. As to my missing social worker,we have still had no communication from her regarding the reason or reasons that prevented her from keeping our appointment on Wednesday,which SHE arranged,so we have no inclination as to when we will next be blessed by her company. I do have an appointment with my psychiatrist on November 1st at 11:00am,unless for some reason that disappears into thin air as well,I thought when I signed up for this gig that there would be some sort of help available,guess I was wrong.I have to thank my awesome friends,Strong Celtic Lass and Angel 1313 for their comments on my last two or three journal entries,it is reassuring to know that not everybody thinks you've finally lost your mind,I am grateful my friends,and if you were my daughters,I would be the proudest dad on the planet. As for our beloved dogs,if you want to see what they look like then go to my profile and at the bottom of the page you will find the photo section,all of them are in there.There are also,unfortunately,pictures of me before I became ill,and more recent ones in which,even I,can see how much I have deteriorated,but hey,such is life.Buttons,our old lady of the family,is a liver and white short haired German pointer,Bree is our middle fur baby,she is a six year old Staffordshire bull terrier and Jack Russel cross breed. Then of course,there is Caesar,....what can I say about the big guy?,he is our youngest dog,black as coal,except for the tiniest sliver of white on his chest,he is what is known as an American Bullweiler,his daddy was an American Bulldog by the name of Gaffer,and his mama was the softest rottweiler I've ever met called Roxy. He was born on February 6th 2012 and he is very much still a puppy,except that THIS puppy weighs over one hundred pounds,and he loves to be cuddled,trouble is,he likes to lay in your lap to get one,but he,as well as our other two canine children,are loved by us beyond belief,even if they are a bit of a bother at times. Our human children are all adults now with their own lives and their own children to look after,they don't need to be burdened by looking after me as well,I don't expect them to and I wouldn't ask,My eldest daughter comes through to see us from time to time,but she has never enjoyed good health from the time she was a child,so I am just grateful to see her when she is able. My wife and I have each other and our fur children,we get by,sometimes it's hard,but we manage. Still no news on the wheelchair front,who knows?,perhaps Santa will bring it in his sack for me come Christmas,we live in hope,as for the disability people and the mental health team that I'm supposed to receive help from?,it will happen if it happens,to be truthful,I am at the point where I really don't care anymore,I have very little fight left in me and the one thing that I could always say about myself was that I was a fighter,I guess my life has just about worn me out,it happens,and,if it does go anymore downhill,I always have the option to put an end to my pain,both physically and mentally,and that alone,is a huge comfort to me.Well journal,I guess that's about all for now,the world I am forced to inhabit still turns,please God that He continues to allow us to survive one more day in it,until next time,may our home and our hearts be filled with the love,protection and grace that only He can provide.