friday-May 9th,2008

Things are getting so much better.The pressure is getting off and I do feel a bit better.But knowing that I will never talk to my brother again has got me bonkers.Some of the people in seattle are so full of bs it is coming out of their ears.It is impossible to make friends in this town now.Why? Because this new breed of people are obsessed with money.Money is all that she talks about.If I had known this,I would have renewed my subscription to the Enquirer.Look.I never made a lot of money because of two reasons-the first reason is that I was going through a very severe form of mental illness that was not known back in the 1960s and the second is that I never had and never will have the opportunity to make it.Brad and I are two different people and this is the way it has been in all of my relationships.Brad does not like to read,go downtown,have coffee out or go to bookstores.He hasnt read a book since high school and all right now that he does in work and play gold with his buddies.There is nothing wrong with having buddies but I feel so left out.I feel neglected and I am start doing things by myself.We have grown apart and I have noticed this.As for me leaving him,surely you must be kidding.I cannot afford it.I did not want to be stuck like all of the females that I have known,but at 60..i Have got no choice.Tonight is the art show and I am going.He does not know about the energy bills and since I get all of the  mail..he nev er will.I will and I never recover from the death of my father-so do not tell me that time will heal it.I wish that my father was alive today to see how well I am doing with my bi-polar and how well I am fitting in.This is all that he wanted.In time,I will leave Brad---but not now.ANd I will cry after I write this.I cry over Frank everyday-but noone has ever listened to me and noone will.Cheerio.