Friday, February 29, 2008

went to my first counseling session last night and talked for a while. I told her of my and my wife’s relationship. After I talked she made a statement that I kind of had on my mind already; that even though my wife says she loves me and she probably does because she had only been with women for 20 years previous to me and that she seems not to like me touching her or having sex with her (I have only been able to try having sex with her 5 times in the last 2 ½ years and it was always her that got the action). The counselor said that my wife’s actions tell her my wife is a lesbian. I had asked my wife before why she wanted to marry me and she said because she liked me so much. I thought it funny that she wouldn’t say Love me so much, but she says that she had been hurt so much in her life that she doesn’t believe in Love. I have asked her many times “is this some kind of experiment into seeing if you can be heterosexual?” She says absolutely not that she loves me and doesn’t want anyone but me. It use to be she said she didn’t want any other man but me, I told her that left too much open space for a woman and since she has said anyone instead of man. The counselor said it would be prudent not to go into any financial dealings (we were going to look for another house in the next year) and see where that relationship goes. She also said that she could be wrong but in her dealings that my wife will stray again and probably soon. That my wife has probably convinced herself that she wants to be with a man but the lesbian trait will come out again and I must be prepared to be hurt again if I continue to stay with her. I told her that my head was telling me one thing (that she was right) but my heart was hoping for something better than that.  I told my wife of the meeting and she just got mad saying that the answer that the counselor gave me was a standard canned statement and everyone is different. That’s why my wife say’s she doesn’t like going to someone and opening up because they make judgments on you. I guess only time will tell if the counselor was right. For my sake I hope my wife isn’t that way, life is so unfair.