Friday Entry: Lack of Energy
Today I just felt so tired. I was awake in the middle of the night for over an hour around 3:30 am. Geo had already gone to bed at 2:30 so I know it wasn't him that woke me up. I had to take some klonopin to get me back to sleep. When I woke up today, I just wanted to go back to sleep. I managed to make it into work today, albeit a half hour late. I got everything that they wanted me to do done, so that's good at least. I had my coffee and my chocolate covered espresso beans and I still was lagging. Luckily there wasn't much for me to do today, maybe 15 appointments or so. I got to leave early since I was done early. There was drama at work with lunch... a woman ordered something for lunch and another coworker went to pick it up and got the wrong thing from the wrong store. They were going back and forth in a friendly way for a while, and then the woman who got the wrong thing went back to the store and got what she wanted.
I was so tired today I didn't want to cook, so I called and ordered Chinese food. I can't be doing that too often, since I am trying to save money, but it's so hard. I just feel so tired. I hope I can get a good night's sleep tonight. I don't even want to do my journal, I just want to go to sleep now. It's only 8:30, I'm going to try and hang around until 9 and then go to sleep. I don't want to wake up too early tomorrow. I don't have anything to do besides go for my walk. I might hit the gym again tomorrow. I went today for a bit to work on my arms and legs, but I think tomorrow I should be able to go again since I'm not sore today. I might increase the weight on the arm machine that I use. I'm currently at level 1, and I want to get up to level 2 soon.
I was looking at class rings today. Nana said that she would buy one for me, and I would love to get one. They are reasonably priced online... I found one I liked for less than $200. I know if I got it from the school it would be more expensive. There was no way I could have afforded it on my own in college, and the only way I can afford it now is if my Nana pays for it. She has money, so I know it's not a big deal for her. I just don't know what I want put on it. I was thinking a Trojan head on one side, but I don't know what I want for the other. I was thinking maybe a cross, since I was heavily involved in the church (aka cult) in college, but I don't want people seeing that and thinking I'm a Christian. I didn't see an option for the GLBTA (gay, lesbian, bi, transgender association) which I was also involved in. I will have to do more research.
Mood today was okay... I was tired most of the day, so I didn't really experience any real highs or lows. I think I'm heading into a depression, though, since I'm having trouble sleeping and stuff. I don't want to go to work, and I think I'm making excuses not to go. I need to go, though, and get myself out of the house and out of this bed. Sitting in bed isn't going to help my depression any. I just don't know what to do since we don't have a car and I don't feel like doing anything anyway. I was trying to save money to go see my sister graduate, but I'm worried now. I know there's going to be this huge party for her on that Saturday, and I'm worried about that. I don't do good at parties and I'm not social. I would just prefer to sit at the table and talk to Geo, but Geo wouldn't be able to go. I don't know... there's just so much for me to decide and I don't think I'm ready for it. I want to support my sister in her proudest hour, but I just don't know if I can.
Food today was good.. I'm in my calorie range and within range for all of my nutrients. I had a piece of chicken and some yogurt for breakfast, a Jamaican patty for lunch, and Chinese food for dinner. Last time we had Chinese food Geo got sick and I totally forgot about that when I ordered it. I just hope that he doesn't get food poisoning like he did last time. He wasn't able to eat right for weeks. It didn't help him lose weight, though, oddly enough. I need to step back from my scale and cut down on my weigh-ins. I weigh tomorrow since it's my weekly weigh in day, but after that I'm going to try and go scale free for a week until next Saturday. I have Monday off of work, so I have a long weekend to rest up and get ready for the week ahead. Hopefully this depression will lift and I will be able to go back to work as normal. That, or I'm pushing myself too hard too fast. I don't know. I just know I have to get it together if I want to get a part time job.
I was so tired today I didn't want to cook, so I called and ordered Chinese food. I can't be doing that too often, since I am trying to save money, but it's so hard. I just feel so tired. I hope I can get a good night's sleep tonight. I don't even want to do my journal, I just want to go to sleep now. It's only 8:30, I'm going to try and hang around until 9 and then go to sleep. I don't want to wake up too early tomorrow. I don't have anything to do besides go for my walk. I might hit the gym again tomorrow. I went today for a bit to work on my arms and legs, but I think tomorrow I should be able to go again since I'm not sore today. I might increase the weight on the arm machine that I use. I'm currently at level 1, and I want to get up to level 2 soon.
I was looking at class rings today. Nana said that she would buy one for me, and I would love to get one. They are reasonably priced online... I found one I liked for less than $200. I know if I got it from the school it would be more expensive. There was no way I could have afforded it on my own in college, and the only way I can afford it now is if my Nana pays for it. She has money, so I know it's not a big deal for her. I just don't know what I want put on it. I was thinking a Trojan head on one side, but I don't know what I want for the other. I was thinking maybe a cross, since I was heavily involved in the church (aka cult) in college, but I don't want people seeing that and thinking I'm a Christian. I didn't see an option for the GLBTA (gay, lesbian, bi, transgender association) which I was also involved in. I will have to do more research.
Mood today was okay... I was tired most of the day, so I didn't really experience any real highs or lows. I think I'm heading into a depression, though, since I'm having trouble sleeping and stuff. I don't want to go to work, and I think I'm making excuses not to go. I need to go, though, and get myself out of the house and out of this bed. Sitting in bed isn't going to help my depression any. I just don't know what to do since we don't have a car and I don't feel like doing anything anyway. I was trying to save money to go see my sister graduate, but I'm worried now. I know there's going to be this huge party for her on that Saturday, and I'm worried about that. I don't do good at parties and I'm not social. I would just prefer to sit at the table and talk to Geo, but Geo wouldn't be able to go. I don't know... there's just so much for me to decide and I don't think I'm ready for it. I want to support my sister in her proudest hour, but I just don't know if I can.
Food today was good.. I'm in my calorie range and within range for all of my nutrients. I had a piece of chicken and some yogurt for breakfast, a Jamaican patty for lunch, and Chinese food for dinner. Last time we had Chinese food Geo got sick and I totally forgot about that when I ordered it. I just hope that he doesn't get food poisoning like he did last time. He wasn't able to eat right for weeks. It didn't help him lose weight, though, oddly enough. I need to step back from my scale and cut down on my weigh-ins. I weigh tomorrow since it's my weekly weigh in day, but after that I'm going to try and go scale free for a week until next Saturday. I have Monday off of work, so I have a long weekend to rest up and get ready for the week ahead. Hopefully this depression will lift and I will be able to go back to work as normal. That, or I'm pushing myself too hard too fast. I don't know. I just know I have to get it together if I want to get a part time job.
Replies
Sending good vibes for you fending off depression! You are aware and that is major.