Friday August 21st -- Rain Delay

Well, folks, since I took a break from mowing BEFORE I finished a BIG STORM sneaked up on me when I went back outside. And despite having that Kubota cranked up to full throttle, there was no way I could finish unless I wanted to take a chance getting struck by lightning or drowned! The temperature has dropped 15 degrees in the last half hour and it is still STEADY POURING DOWN! This is a good thing, actually, as after getting about 6" of rain the last week of July, we haven't had a drop of rain since and the wind and humidity had started to take its toll on my perennials and the lawn. Neighbor Larry did come in earlier this week and make up my hayfield again. Because there was only about a month since the first cutting, he only yielded three round bales, but THEY ARE REALLY BIG ROUND BALES! He said he's hoping to get one more cutting before the end of Autumn, as well.Enough about farming! I haven't written anything here since July 5th and a lot of you have asked about how things are going with my back, so if I've already told you, bear with me.I had the right side nerve blocks done on June 23 (areas T-11 through L-2). As advised, it took about three weeks for the effects to be fully realized. And that was just before I went back to Pain Management for the left side nerve blocks on July 22nd. Well, let's just say that the very next day I felt so good, it was almost scary! I probably way overdid it, but I mowed, ran the weed whacker and went riding all in that same day. Didn't stop for nuthin! I went riding twice more before the weather turned hot and nasty and am pleased to report that Mr. Memphis the Monster Horse was a perfect gentleman both times! (I think I have decided to keep him after all.)Anyway, I still have bad days with my back. I still have to take some pain meds, usually at night so I can get comfortable enough to sleep through the night. But the pain is muscle pain -- not that awful burning and pin-pricking nerve pain. So evidently, the nerve block procedure worked pretty well on me. The doc said I can come back and he will go lower with the same procedure if needed. A few times this week, I have thought about doing just that. I still might, but the big thing I need to get serious about is doing more CORE STRENGTHENING exercises and also work on rebuilding some upper body muscle! This won't hurt in my half-hearted efforts to restore my flabby little body to its pre-accident hardbody silhouette, either. I just lack motivation. Tom has PROMISED that as soon as this heat wave breaks, he is going to start walking with me -- 30 minutes a day at LEAST three times a week. I'm going to hold him to it. Together, we can make our bodies better and hopefully keep the old age stuff at bay for awhile longer!I wanted to share some stuff about my emotional health, as well. As much as I would like to never think about my former marriage, I couldn't help but get melancholy in the days preceding August 7th. It was four years ago -- 2005 -- when my now ex-husband devastated me with his words "I don't love you anymore; I have no feelings for this marriage anymore; I am getting out." Talk about the shot heard around the world -- I'm still amazed that the sound which came out of me upon hearing those words wasn't heard 5 miles away. It must be like getting a phone call and hearing that someone you love has been tragically killed in an accident. My stomach still churns when I remember that day.Nevertheless, I managed to get past that awful anniversary without going into a funk. Surprisingly, I also had this quiet little urge inside me to just call him up on the phone to see how he was getting along. I toyed with what I would say, wondered if he would even answer my call. And then I did a little scenario in my head as to what I would ask him and/or say to him. Within an hour, I decided that I really didn't want to call him; don't want to talk to him; don't care how he's doing and that I am better off just letting any thoughts of him pass. I remembered my therapist's words to me in one of our last sessions. "Kathi, you have learned so much about setting boundaries and limits. You know that your kindness and integrity make you vulnerable to people whose intentions are not always honorable. You would be wise to set a permanent boundary between you and your ex. He manipulated you very effectively for 30 years and that would make it very easy for him to hook you right back in to his pathology." She was right. So I'm sticking to it!Tom and I have pretty much decided that we're not going to take any big vacation at this time. We toyed with the idea of going out to Big Sky Country sometime this fall, but we have also put a fair amount of money into this farm over the summer and don't want to cut things too close to the bone. We did go out to Deep Creek Lake over the 4th of July and are planning to fly back up there on September 5 for a wedding party, but other than that, I think we're going to be home until next March when we will spend another week in Barbados.We DID get tickets for Cirque du Soleil's "Alegria" show which has returned to the U.S. after several years touring the world. The show is going to be in Reading, PA and we bought tickets for Sunday, October 25th at 1:00 p.m. I have the DVD of this show and the music and acts are phenomenal -- often called one of the very best of the Cirque shows. It will involve a full day, as Reading is close to a 2-hour drive from here, but we are looking forward to it.Other than Woody Cat having a reaction to his annual shots last month, all the animals here are fine and froggy. My black horse, Miss Markie, has suffered some with her respiratory issues this summer and I am currently researching some medication options to give her more relief. I do worry about her, as she is such a wonderful horse and she turned 20 this past May. It will be a sad day when her time comes to go to the big green pasture in the sky! Memphis is fine as always and Tom spoils him rotten every chance he gets! My other horse, Strollin Nolan, is enjoying his adopted family down the road and it sounds as if the "loan" of him is going to be a permanent one. I am pleased, as their daughter is getting along very well with him and is doing so well with her riding that she is now doing some trail riding with her Mom and Dad!All of our cats are now going outdoors. Rosa Begonia (our only female and resident diva) spends very little time inside anymore. As a matter of fact, when she DOES come in, she grabs a snack and then is sooo sleepy, she climbs into her basket and sometimes sleeps the entire day! But by evening, she is ringing the Amish doorbell and insisting on going back outside for the night. Good kitty! She and my Jake have a "thing" going for sure. I might not see them all day if they are both outdoors, but when one shows up in the yard or on the patio, they are BOTH there. Good thing everybody is fixed, huh? Tom's red tabby, Whittaker, will go to the kitchen door and distinctly say "OUT" when he wants to go outside (which isn't often), but we have taken to throwing him out every night before we go upstairs to bed. (We get a lot more rest without him walking all over us and purring in our faces all night!) Taterbug (the one who is not the sharpest pencil in the box) also enjoys being outside. He and my Woody have become buddies and we see them coming up across the yard from the barn in the morning at first light. It seems that Tater is learning to be a real cat! And the moles have been stacked up like cordwood some mornings thanks to Rosa. Who would have ever guessed that Miss Priss would turn out to be such a good hunter!That's it for now. I enjoy reading everyone's journals, so here's mine for you. Looking forward to cooler weather these days and as much riding as I can squeeze into my schedule. May God continue to bless each and every one of you!

Replies

Misred
Misred

Boy when it rains it pours journal-wise too! LOL

We have not had rain or hay here either. Three bales are three bales right? At least you know where or how your hay was grown.

I agree with you on not calling the ex. Why wake the monster/dragon from it\'s slumber? I also like what your therapist said about setting a permanent boundary. Sigh...if only it were so easy sometimes. Why are we such suckers?????

Love reading about your kitty cats. Sounds like heaven having them around. I think I told you before we have had bad luck keeping cats. My stbx at one time was suspicious of a neighbor. He thought maybe she was causing the cats to disappear. Her cats never vanished but everyone elses did. I can imagine any cat person getting rid of someones cat. But there ya go, I\'m always thinking the best of everyone. I can see anyone doing things I wouldn\'t do.

Horseback riding is a core exercise isn\'t it?

(((HUGS)))
deleted_user
deleted_user

Dear Cowgirl, Thanks for all the news and esp for sharing your upwelling of feelings about your former Life. I guess I just thought you were so over it all, youve healed so much and moved on. Its reassuring to know even so, feelings especially around \'anniversaries\' cause reflection still. I just had aot of feelings rise up at my x\'s birthday yesterday. I really felt this sadness and uncertainty about whether to acknowledge the ocassion. (I did) Thanks, cowgirl.

Great to hear of you Animal Friends, esp you (and Tom\'s) Cats. Really cute assessment of each of them. I do really Love Cats--I have 2. Such good buddies to come home to. Keep on Healing your Back, and I think walking with Tom is a great place to start. You can build in some back strengthening exercises as you go. Ive got some good ones if you want to talk. Hugs. Chris
chowgirl
chowgirl

Wow, what a great, long journal! It\'s so good to hear about your life and how well things are going. I\'m glad your back is feeling better. I can tell you from my own experience that walking is the best thing you can do. I wish I\'d known just how much difference it makes before I had surgery, so I pass it along to everyone I know with back trouble.

Thank you for sharing so much, and I\'ll look forward to the next installment!

Hugs,
Lyn
deleted_user
deleted_user

enjoyed your journal entry- you have a way with words. it is always a bit of good medicine to see your photo with that smile. it gives me hope that someday i too will be smiling again. my loss was agony,like a death i imagine. i have those same feelings at times about talking with the stbe, i think only because of our history, our 4 kids we had together. he could quote them verbatum when they said silly things while i was away at work. but then i think, no he x boundries of marriage and friendship. he will never be a friend to me. enjoyed your pet round-up. have an old lab, and old stray cat and middle age cat. starting this spring each of the 4 kids brought home their own new pet. 2 kittens and 2 puppies. girls at work look at me like i have lost my marbles ( guess a few might be missing) but these animals are so loving and loyal. i am greeted at the door with such excitement and joy. i drop my purse and work bag, go down to my knees for all the kisses and licks. animals are a wonderful therapy. thanks again for all you positive thoughts and responses to my grieving threads.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m glad you didn\'t contact your ex. My therapist told me she still thinks of her ex on anniveraries and such and it\'s been 10 years. She said you can\'t forget more than half your life so fast.

I hope your back gets really strong for you. I\'ve heard walking helps too.

Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think when you have been married a long time like we were you can\'t help but think of them. Since mine is still so new I hoped some day I could forget it all but knowing all too well I won\'t. Our daughter is getting married on October 24th and what would have been our 34th wedding anniversary is the next day October 25th. I think how hard that will be to watch our daughter say her vows (and he will be there of course). I am going to have to have super strength that day but I will remember it is my daughters day and it is not about me. Side note she wanted to have her wedding on October 17th but my stbx is going to Hawaii and couldn\'t change his flight.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Love your writing Miss Kathi!!! I enjoyed sipping my smoothie and reading about your animals. I have Jack (a red-haired, green eyed Irish tempered cat) and Roxanne (lab mixed, dumb blonde like her \"dad\" my stbx).

Thanks for writing in my journals and always having something wonderful to say.

Take care of the back, enjoy your vacation (even if it\'s a mini) and enjoy the animal kingdom. Simple pleasures but joyful nonetheless!