Friday

I slept deep last night until Sammy came in and woke me up.  Roomie arrived home and I got up for my morning coffee.  He stated he wanted to go to the beach this weekend-however-I dont feel like baking in the heat anymore and havent for quite some time. I dont even want to leave the house.  I decided this weekend I would work on a 45  day plan.  In 45 days I will change my life around the way I want to live it.  I honestly don't want to be out around people anymore.  The only thing that makes it bareable for me is putting my headphones in and shopping whilst Instacarting and with Covid Panic-people dont answer the door anyway when I deliver them.  So, very little to do with the human race.

Over the next 45 days, I will find out about my health as well and make those decisions quickly.  If things are ok, then I will put my surgery off till next year-if not, I will have the initial surgery and put the second one off till next year.  

As far as relationship/love goes I have decided I'm just one of those people who wasnt suppose to be attached.  I mourn the idea of not having someone to miss after spending happy years with them but-it just wasn't meant to be.  Sometimes I wonder why I was put on this earth.  Ive helped people and been kind to others-I think my debt to society is paid so I dont owe anything to anyone.

Ill start calling people out-the ones who pretend to care about my wellbeing but have said nasty things to my face and start calling things outloud as I see if if people choose to engage negatively with me-No more being a silent doormat.