Friday
I am up this morning with the cats on the back porch. Where I currently reside with Roomie, there are alot of tree frogs so I occasionally have to rescue them from Lefty and Sammycat. I started drinking half caffeinated coffee this morning. Slowly going to wean off.
I'm asking myself this morning in regards to work if I were an employer would I want an employee who feels comfortable coming and talking to me or would I want an employee who felt like they couldn't approach me? I feel I am caught in that web at work. I cant help but feel that when my employer found out i was living in an rv, things changed. They made the comment that they were not happy with my life choices and didnt feel I could make good business choices. Up until then, they didnt know and things were fine. Nothing was ever said. Or is like all my hard work over the last year and a half doesnt matter. Again, I know I need to leave them to sort this out and I am greatful I have a job at this point however, it hurts my heart that i could be judged so harshly. This is why, I think I must just focus on my work and pull back emotionally. It feels like I've always had to pay in another area of my life when things go well in another.
I didnt want to ever think life was a game however I find it is impossible to have any emotion when making decisions of any kind. Meaning, I never should have trusted I could talk to her. I have been a loner most of my life and I just think maybe its suppose to be that way because it is so hard to trust others I think that I can. I dont feel sorry for myself, I'm just angry for letting myself trust again. I'm glad its Friday. Looking forward to instacarting this week, the rest of the time I'll just binge watch tv. Have a wonderful Friday all.
Replies
Most managers absolutely want employees to openly discuss their work goals, where they see themselves in the organization, how they want to contribute and develop. For me, good employees are the ones that say, hey what can I do to help or even better, I noticed such and such and I think I have some ideas on how we can improve a process or make something better.
With that said, I think how and when approaching some managers is key. I worked for a VP for about ten year who was the best boss I ever had. She was TOUGH and didn't suffer fools, but she really saw her staff as capable and intelligent and so she had high expectations. I knew when to approach and when to sit back. I never went into a conversation with her when I felt stressed or felt like I could lose emotional control or if I knew shew as dealing with some serious work stress. I would sort of address things in more a casual way, when we were both in a good place. She could then receive it and I could deliver it in a confident manner.
As far as judgement, I've got some thoughts on that: I think people assume their bosses think about them all the time. Like, oh I wonder if my boss isn't engaging me because they are upset with me, or I bet they want to know why I need to take a vacation day. They don't. I can tell you from my own experience, I spend very little time thinking about my staff that way. I don't have the time and I have bigger things to worry about. So I wouldn't spin your wheels too much about that. For one thing, you have no control over what people think of you (again their business not yours) and if you're doing your job well and acting like you want to be part of the organization or part of the team, then what's to worry about.
My other theory is that when we are overly concerned about the judgement of others, I think that's more about our own judgement of ourselves, more about our own hang ups with ourselves than anyone else's. Because I think when you feel confident and good about your life and are at peace with your decisions, the judgement of others doesn't even compute.
I am pretty open with my personal life at work, within reason. I mean, I don't get into the minutia, except with people from work I'm friends with (there are a few) but I am not really that secretive either. It's never been a problem for me, because again, my work and performance speak for itself. I have some staff who are very open about their personal lives, and sometimes, I think, sheesh I don't want to know. And sometimes I do think, wow that's not how I'd handle that. But at the end of the day, as long as they're performing and are not exhibiting behavior at work I should be concerned about (and they aren't doing anything in their personal life that could harm the organization) I simply don't care what they do. I care about them as people but I don't live their lives; they do. Now if whatever is going on in their personal life affects their work, then I get concerned but for me, I stick to the performance part.
I think it doesn't have to be one or the other, emotional vs non emotional, at work, sharing all personal stuff or no personal stuff. It's balance and what you're comfortable doing. All I care about at work when it comes to my boss is, am I trusted because I'm a good team member and my work product is executed well? Does my performance not only reflect well on me, but does it reflect well on the team, on my boss and on the organization? If the answer is yes, I don't feel like I have to worry about anything else.
So I guess if you go into your boss to have a discussion, be clear on what you want to discuss, what you're goal is for the discussion and be solution oriented, and be prepared to receive the feedback. And don't get so caught up in what you are perceiving as judgement. To me the opposite of judgement is approval and if you live your life just worrying about everyone's approval for how YOU CHOOSE to live your life, you'll never find it. Never. It's that old saying, opinions are like assholes- everyone's got one. Opinions are just opinions, not mandates.
Sage, to be honest, I use to have others working under me and if a worker told me they were living in an rv, it would probably make me think they were telling me they were underpaid,.....unless you clarified it by talking about all the reasons why you enjoyed that kind of life.
Your employer may have made that statement about sound business decisions, due to feelings of guilt. and probably feels you are limiting yourself when there are so many different ways to make money, in this day and age with the internet. It wasn't like that years ago and we all struggled alot just to make ends meet. I am sure you remember those days.
I hope I didn't offend you. I know alot of times, I look at things differently then other people do but I often keep my thoughts to myself unless it is a thought that directly connects me to that person or affects them in some way.
God Bless
Both as employee and employer/boss, I like a balance between the extremes. Neither psychotherapist nor socially distanced be. I like sharing far enough that we can all be openly connected and caring, but detached enough that we can still get a job done.
Balance in all things.
Totally agree,
Also if your boss said that at a time where your performance was an issue, she may have been trying to connect if the performance was related to things going on in your personal life. I don't know. Always turn it back to performance when it's work stuff, that goes for the manager and the employee. Then it doesn't get twisted or feel personal.
I've just decided to leave it to the universe. As long as I have a job I'll be ok.