Fri: yesterday was horrible

Oh my gosh!!!!! (long entry)so i've been pretty depressed lately about everything. all the plans that got cancelled over the last 3 weeks because of my migraines and then kidney infection. especially since our friend Elaine was visiting from Texas for a week and i couldn't keep up with the activities (and she has FMS too). then yesterday morning i'm on my way back to the VA to turn in the 24 hr pee test i had to REDUE (another thing i've been pissed as hell about *refference journal entry from Sunday)... and 10 mins after i leave home, suddenly my car starts making this rattling noise from under the hood and then smoke starts coming out! i check my gauges but it's not hot (since i just got it out of the shop for over heating), then suddenly my engine dies. SHIT!!! i'm on the free way in the fastes lane and i gotta find a way to drift off through the lanes to the shoulder!! the only thing i could think about was that i had to get my lab work to the VA no matter what, cuz i'll flip the hell out if i have to redue the damn thing all over AGAIN!!  once i safely drifted off to a shoulder that barely was even wide enough (I'm between the lane and the gaurd rail) i start calling my friends numbers to see who is in the area that could pick me up but nobody is answering. then i call the shop that worked on my car and he says just hang in he is sending a tow truck.  the worst part is i have to call the oahu veterans center and tell them that i can't make it to my own FMS meeting!!!!! so whatever i had been down about the last few days suddenly hit me really hard when i realized i had to cancel my own meeting. i almost had tears in my eyes. my heart was breaking. i continued dialing numbers finally my friend Jen (who lives in the area) picks up the phone and i told her what happened. i offer her gas money to take me to the VA and drop off the specimen and she says no problem. i sat there on the side of the road for like an hr before she showed up and she told me there was construction traffic that was backed up. so i call the tow truck and he said he is still stuck in it. finally he shows up. after the trip to the VA and then home, i was pretty angry and depressed i just wanted to punch a hole in the wall and cry at the same time. the frustration hit me pretty hard. all i could think about was that i don't want to live this way anymore. i never wanted to live this way in the 1st place, i never imagined ever living this way. and yet WE (everyone that suffers in pain) are stuck this way till some mad scientist comes along and finds cures. i hate it. i hate that we just have to live life in complete frustration as is just rolls on by. this is why i formed the group. but i couldn't even make it to the group. i felt like shit. i went up to my room and curled up into a ball. i layed there for a while before i decided maybe i should call Matt since i always call him about everything. so i do and he ends up getting pissed at me and we end up into a fight and then he hangs up on me. i started crying and felt like breaking everything in the house, but instead i just layed there and cried for like 2 hrs. i hated everything. the pain and suffering just ruins my life. finally Matt calls back after he regroups his thoughts and calmly speaks to me his side of the frustrations.  then he tells me that he can't wait to see me and if he were here he would hug me all night and just hold me. he said he will come over friday (now today) as soon as he can so we can be together and he can hug me all i want. he tells me how great of a person i am and that i shouldn't feel so down on my self. so i started to feel a bit better, but i'm still mad at the whole thing. hopefully this weekend i'll get over it. thank you for reading my long frustrating entry. everyone here means so much to me i couldn't even explain. have a blessed weekend and God bless everyone!