freaking out!!!

Today was a really bad day!!!! I binged really bad last night... I even purged a bit. I felt so sick like I was going to combust!!! I passed out at 8:30!! I did not sleep well... I was on edge all day!!! I was freaking out!!! My mind was racing and I couldnt get it to calm!!! Now its 4pm and I have not done one thing all day!!!!
My doctors appt last week didnt go well... she wouldnt give me the ADD meds!!! I really could have used them today!!! She wants me to see a psychiatrist.... My insurance wont cover it... SO i made an appt woth another doctor who will... I had depending on medication to deal with my issues... without them I am a mess!!! I cant sit still long enough to read a book or write my resume. I cant pay my bills and i get frustrated with everything!!! It ties into everything that i do!!! I feel defeated!!! Like i have lost a war! I set these goals for myself and I just cant get there!!! I feel soooo miserable and have been crying and panicking all day! I talked to my dad and he usually calms me but today he made me feel shitty!!! He was saying I mad a mistake moving to RI, that I should have never done what I did. BUT I DID MOVE HERE!! I DID!!!! and for me that was a huge step for me... when i get a negative rap or it... it upsets me and makes me think.... think a little tooo much....THINKING IS ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING TODAY!!! did not even leave the house... just sat here all day miserable as hell!!! damnit!!!