freaking out!!!

Today was a really bad day!!!! I binged really bad last night... I even purged a bit. I felt so sick like I was going to combust!!! I passed out at 8:30!! I did not sleep well... I was on edge all day!!! I was freaking out!!! My mind was racing and I couldnt get it to calm!!! Now its 4pm and I have not done one thing all day!!!!
My doctors appt last week didnt go well... she wouldnt give me the ADD meds!!! I really could have used them today!!! She wants me to see a psychiatrist.... My insurance wont cover it... SO i made an appt woth another doctor who will... I had depending on medication to deal with my issues... without them I am a mess!!! I cant sit still long enough to read a book or write my resume. I cant pay my bills and i get frustrated with everything!!! It ties into everything that i do!!! I feel defeated!!! Like i have lost a war! I set these goals for myself and I just cant get there!!! I feel soooo miserable and have been crying and panicking all day! I talked to my dad and he usually calms me but today he made me feel shitty!!! He was saying I mad a mistake moving to RI, that I should have never done what I did. BUT I DID MOVE HERE!! I DID!!!! and for me that was a huge step for me... when i get a negative rap or it... it upsets me and makes me think.... think a little tooo much....THINKING IS ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING TODAY!!! did not even leave the house... just sat here all day miserable as hell!!! damnit!!!



would you like to talk would that help :P

So sorry you\'re going through this, hon. You\'re got a lot going on. Lord knows I know about can be overwhelming. When you feel overwhelmed though, sometimes just knowing that all you really need to deal with is THIS moment, helps. The past is over and done with, and we can\'t deal with the future, because it\'s always \"out there\" somewhere. So, just breathe and try to calm yourself in this moment.

Remember that our mind is always sending is scary, shitty messages - you\'re a loser, you\'ll never get this right, even if you get things right, you\'ll manage to mess them up again, you\'re too fat, you eat too much, you\'ll never be able to have a healthy relationship with food, you\'re stupid, no one loves you...I mean, it goes on and on and on!!!! How very true that we\'re our own worst enemy!!!

I\'m just getting into it, but, have you considered meditation? Also, I\'m learning to not react so much to regative emotions, but, to allow the calm, loving part of me to observe these emotions and try to figure out why they\'re there. All of the answers we need are inside of us...we just have to search for them sometimes.

I also want to remind you to be careful of who you \"get close\" to in forums like this. (Sorry, it\'s the mom in me...). Not all of us have the best of intentions...especially in cyberspace... You want to get help with your problems...not add to them.

Janice : )