Frazzled.

For the last several months my H has been distant and turned off or had been ,then starting in December things really got worse, he started being cold to me, actinig like I didn't have  the right to ask him where he was going or what was going on , I remember asking him "Don't you think you atleast owe me an explanation?: "What makes you think I owe you anything ?" I was dumbfounded, he seemed so angry and cold, during this time, up until about two weeks ago, my head is still spinning I don't know what changed , he went from "I dont know if I want to be married anymore, and I still care about you, but my feelings have changed, " I asked him how he would feel if I cheated on him' "A few years ago it would of bothered me but not  now "He said, he had not told me he loved me in a very long time I never knew why until recently , he didn't ,My dad would get mad and want to know why he wasn't doing anything around the house , taking care of the house ,I did everything, mow the lawn ,take out the garbage, kids, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, everything, I didn't know why at the time , I thought it was his job ,or other things, then he told me he had been thinking about leaving for quite a while, atleast over a year and a half , now it all makes sense, if your not going to stay , then why bother doing anything around the house right?  I just figured it was over between us , I mean you can work through alot of stuff but you can't change the way someone feels about you, if he is in love with someone else ,that's pretty much it, So I began preparing myself for the worse, making plans on how to keep the house and and live as a single parent, I began to realized I can do this, if he wants out and wants this ow then go, then shit hit th fan on March 4th when I found out that he slept with somene else then came home nad slept with me,  though he claims he didn't finish he coudlnt, I went crazy on him, hitting him, over and over , then I picked up his guncase .22 and began hitting him with it, metalbarrlel it was  still in the case, I didnt realized what I had , I just grabbed the closet thing, and that was it, screaming Iwsh you were dead I fucking hate you, how could you do this to me ,then he packed up and left, went to his sisters, i just came to terms with it , it's over, thats all there si to it, he was waiting for me to end it,  so I began focusing on getting a different job and how I was going ot make it, it felt good in a way befcause I had some closure you know, "I don't have to wonder anymore when he is coming home, because i Know for a fact he is not, "it hurt like hell, rippped out my heart, but I knew I would survive, then he kept calling me , I didnt want to talk to him becuase i knew he would not say what i wanted him to say, so I just didnt want to talk to him for a little while, then he came over, gave me some money, wich made me feel worse, since IH ad just filled out welfare papers, Im like can my life get any worse, ? he looked like hell, he looked like had not slept in days, he kept lookoing at me like he wanted me to say something, IM like what do you want me to say  Ive just spent the last several months begging, crying , chasing you down, pleading, for you to work it out, and now your standing there looking at me like you want me to say sometihing, to you, I took hiim to the dentist, that night , he needed someone to drive him that 's when we started talking, , he started telling me loved me, and he wanted me , he knows that now ,he loves me, well those 5 days we sepnt were great, then he went back to work on that following Monday , here we are , ........was I stupid for letting him come home ? was I a fool? ................