Fragile life

I never wrote about the impact my mom's open heart surgery had on me. When I found out she was having it, I didn't think, I just packed some clothes, my meds and left for Florida. It was a quiet ride except for the radio and I called a few people..don't worry the car is equipped with a bluetooth. I had alot of time to think on the 1,000 mile 18 hour journey. I thought alot about my childhood, my adulthood and the bad times as well as the good times. It was like my life flashing before my eyes. The first time I saw my mom was the night of the day she had her surgery. She was on a bed with a tube in her mouth, all kinds of tubes in her arms and chest and four machines near her bed. She was unconscious. I wasn't able to get too close and couldn't stay but a few seconds. The sight of her laying there relying on the support of all that hardware shook me to the core. After about 2 minutes I had to leave. I left and immediately began to cry. I cried all the way through the hospital and the ride to my dad's camper. Those tears only God saw. By the time I got to my dad's I had composed myself...somewhat and had dried my tears. Dad should've seen how shaken I was, but I wasn't about to let him. The next ten days in Florida I cried billions of tears. Nights I often cried myself to sleep soaking my pillow. I had the support of a loving wife and an awesome loving BFF who both helped me through the roughest time of my life. I thought how invincible I was and saw firsthand and how much I'm not. I have always thought about the strengths I had and that they would last forever..seeing my mom that first night made me realize I cannot escape death. I've run from death for many decades thinking it would never find me. Seeing how fragile a life can get opened my eyes. I am not suicidal but I think about my death sometimes. I often wonder how it will be. What will I find on the other side? Death is a part of life. I will one day die. When? I dunno. That's not in my hands.
Today I celebrate life. Today I am functioning like I always have..with a few aches and pains. Everyday I wake up is a blessing. Everyday I can do the those things that bring me love and joy is a present from God. Although death could come at any time, I will cherish the life I'm given each and everyday. I had yesterday. Today I have today.
"Today is called the present because its a gift".
I sincerely hope I didn't upset or trigger anyone, that was not my design in writing this. It was my hope to write about what I feel, see and wonder about. That is always my goal when I write.
Be blessed,