fractured soul

I feel in pain. like my soul has been fractured because of the words said to me by my ES these words echo from the time I had spent lost in abuse and torment in the marriage to my ES Father, they are one in the same, abuse that came from the past that I had hoped would be gone forever, a sudden shock to my system in a moment I thought was going to be a kind e-mail, a how are you Mom, I am fine moment.
Battered from the words, I lost my breath. Why? It has been 7 years since I physically set eyes on my own Son, my own flesh and blood, ever present for many years. He drifted, but not so far I could not love him from a distance, or see him as one would expect.
He got into trouble, I made the call that invited the devil back in his life, I begged him to please help my baby, and now 7 years he has helped my baby to no longer love me, a 33 year old man, my own son hurt me and leaves me in agony, gasping for my breath. He has fractured my soul, the pain is deeper than my body feels.
Finally I reach out for help, not sure if I will find any peace, or a way to heal, but I hope for a chance.
here I am.