Four years - four months plus
Thats how long it's been since my last journal entry here. I really don't know how that happened. I seem to recall that I had a very disturbing experience here with another member and it creeped me out and kept me from wanting to log in, and then I basically forgot about DS until I saw a message in my spam folder from DS. That's probably where they've all been going. Anyway, I've poked around, said hello here and there and undated my profile. So much has happened during those four years, the most significant and devastating thing being the sudden loss of my darling husband on June 7, 2013.
Surviving this loss has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I've had some pretty hard knocks in life, but nothing could compare with that.
That being said I feel like I've done some significant healing and slowly, but slowly I'm becoming more interested in life and living and learning how to identify myself as not part of a couple.
I'm still struggling with overeating and bingeing. I had lost 50 pounds and was really doing great health wise before Ken passed, and then gradually my addict brain resurface and I took to food as the only pleasure I have left. I've put 25 pounds back on and if I don't get a handle on this soon I will gain it all back. It's not about dieting. It's not about the food. It's about addiction. But I'm working on it.
I'm working part time for the company my husband worked for. There's a love/hate connection there. I don't reach full retirement age for another 3 years. In the meanwhile I have been collecting from Ken's SS survivor's benefit, and between that and my PT work I've had enough to get by - JUST - but I'm grateful for that much, and grateful that I haven't had to move or make any other major adjustments in my life.
Aside from the weight thing my most major health issue has been cystitis for hell. I had the several episodes of antibiotic resistant infections before Ken passed. I had a really painful case on the day he died, then after that healed I was miraculously free for almost a year, and then I got 3 or 4 the following year, and then every two month, and now every month. I wound up in the hospital in November with hemorrhagic cystitis and a white blood cell count through the roof. Since then I've been seeing a urologist and I think we might be gaining on the problem, but we're not quite there yet. I was at the doctor's on Thursday and am currently on a 10 day course of Cipro. (sigh)
We had our second significant snowfall of the season yesterday. It was very wet and heavy snow and then it got cold, so the stuff is really caked on everything and hard to clear. I'm going to let Mr. Sunshine work on it for a while. I've got better things to do today.
.
Surviving this loss has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I've had some pretty hard knocks in life, but nothing could compare with that.
That being said I feel like I've done some significant healing and slowly, but slowly I'm becoming more interested in life and living and learning how to identify myself as not part of a couple.
I'm still struggling with overeating and bingeing. I had lost 50 pounds and was really doing great health wise before Ken passed, and then gradually my addict brain resurface and I took to food as the only pleasure I have left. I've put 25 pounds back on and if I don't get a handle on this soon I will gain it all back. It's not about dieting. It's not about the food. It's about addiction. But I'm working on it.
I'm working part time for the company my husband worked for. There's a love/hate connection there. I don't reach full retirement age for another 3 years. In the meanwhile I have been collecting from Ken's SS survivor's benefit, and between that and my PT work I've had enough to get by - JUST - but I'm grateful for that much, and grateful that I haven't had to move or make any other major adjustments in my life.
Aside from the weight thing my most major health issue has been cystitis for hell. I had the several episodes of antibiotic resistant infections before Ken passed. I had a really painful case on the day he died, then after that healed I was miraculously free for almost a year, and then I got 3 or 4 the following year, and then every two month, and now every month. I wound up in the hospital in November with hemorrhagic cystitis and a white blood cell count through the roof. Since then I've been seeing a urologist and I think we might be gaining on the problem, but we're not quite there yet. I was at the doctor's on Thursday and am currently on a 10 day course of Cipro. (sigh)
We had our second significant snowfall of the season yesterday. It was very wet and heavy snow and then it got cold, so the stuff is really caked on everything and hard to clear. I'm going to let Mr. Sunshine work on it for a while. I've got better things to do today.
.
Replies
I am sorry for your loss of your husband. So hard to lose a love one. Knocks us down to our core. I am glad you are getting a handle on your health. I hope everyday will improve for you.