Four DDays for the price of one....
8/3 Sat. find the chat rooms. go on. He claims it's only a fantasy. been doing it for a couple of months. tears in his eyes. "I am so glad you found out. I think I might have met someone soon if you hadn't." I attempt to get into the email. I see the last time the password was changed was 2009. He claims he can't remember password. He'll try in the morning, but he's exhausted. The account is locked by now No luck. I stay up WAY LATE obsessing. Online with Yahoo for an hour. I give up.
8/4 Sun. Takes HIV test. NEGATIVE, WHEW! He has written a few things on a paper at what the password might be on a sheet of paper. When I went in, I can tell it's been swept. Even so, in a Sent folder I find a photo of my husband masturbating. It's odd looking.
Me: Where are you? HE: "A hotel" ME: Really? With those odd drapes and a computer in the background?
ME: What's that in the foreground? "It's a dildo". ME: Really? So shiny and realistic looking, must have been expensive!
ME: Who took the photo? HE "I DID" ME: Really?
ME: You have long arms, but not that long. And that looks like another knee jutting toward you, and I see another hairy leg over there.
He gets teary eyed, Admits to one encounter.
Lots of talk.
I see another incriminating out message. Admits to two encounters in about two months.
8/5 ME: I don't believe you as the email has been swept. You've had this BIG_ email account since 2009. I believe I would find you've been meeting men for many years. However, If you pass a polygraph, I'll agree to stay and go to counseling to work on the marriage. If you fail, you will pack and go immediately and I won't see you again. (we have no kids) I found someone who can administer the polygraph at 7:30. Don't waste our $350 on a polygraph you're going to fail. I'll be even angrier since we can't really afford it.
He admits that it's happened with 20 guys over 2 years.
8/6 Counseling. Good guy. Looks like Ira Glass and David Sedaris put together, but younger, so I call him Ira S.
H says his last encounter was about a month ago. Counselor says the HIV test should e accurate, since it should've been long enough for antibodies to show. (foreshadowing music would play now if this were a film)
H has been online reading and thinks he's a sex addict. Claims he went to gay men because it was easy to hook up. Took a test. Says he's going to a meeting the next day.
8/7 I write to one of the encounters named J and ask if they used condoms. My husband claims he did, but I know how much H hates them. J says, "You don't have to worry about me." I say, "J, be realistic, if he didn't use them with you, he didn't use them with the other 19 guys, so we BOTH should be concerned." He plays with words and doesn't give me a direct answer.
I tell H I asked J about condom use and what did H think J told me? Tears well up in his eyes as H admits, no condoms.
H goes to meeting. I go to town online, looking at our phone records for tests and calls on the days that I was out of town, or H was out of town. I find suspicious numbers, check Spokeo, but find nothing definite. He returns. He has that wild eyed look.
Me: Well, it looks like you have more to tell me. I know 12 step programs say you must be completely honest
H: I saw you changed the password on our Verizon account and have been looking at calls/texts.
Me: You know what I found, right?
H: Yes. I hooked up with a guy last weekend when we were in X__
Me: (I am an actress by profession, thank goodness) Nodded.
Reader, X__ is our hometown. We drove the four hours to visit because I had family celebration of sorts. H didn't always come along. Now I know why! The night I stayed with my family at a Hotel Suite, he was hooking up with a RANDOME DUDE IN THE TOWN WE GREW UP IN!!!! And hooked up with a guy when I took my mother out of town for a few days.
Classy.
SO BASICALLY HE'S HELD A GUN TO MY HEAD FOR FIVE YEARS!
Where do I go with this anger? I'm so lucky to have four different days (so far) of finding out the husband who professes to love me more than life itself can put my life in danger. On Maslow's triangle, he took a shot at the fourth and fifth layer (but I know this is about him and not me, so my self esteem is fine), but worse, he has endangered, and through the lies potentially would have endangered the very building block of Physiological Well-being. Thank God two weeks ago, I had a minor injury that in a major way makes me unable to have sex.
My Excellent green head below is due to the fact that I'm not really in denial, because I have a clear picture of my husband with another man...literally!....but I laugh at the utter ridiculousness of the situation. I have no idea what I plan to do.
Oh, and we're supposed to go on vacation with his whole family...SATURDAY! I have two days to decide. I guess I'll decide when I decide. But between you and me..I'm thinkin a flight to Paris would be in order.....
8/4 Sun. Takes HIV test. NEGATIVE, WHEW! He has written a few things on a paper at what the password might be on a sheet of paper. When I went in, I can tell it's been swept. Even so, in a Sent folder I find a photo of my husband masturbating. It's odd looking.
Me: Where are you? HE: "A hotel" ME: Really? With those odd drapes and a computer in the background?
ME: What's that in the foreground? "It's a dildo". ME: Really? So shiny and realistic looking, must have been expensive!
ME: Who took the photo? HE "I DID" ME: Really?
ME: You have long arms, but not that long. And that looks like another knee jutting toward you, and I see another hairy leg over there.
He gets teary eyed, Admits to one encounter.
Lots of talk.
I see another incriminating out message. Admits to two encounters in about two months.
8/5 ME: I don't believe you as the email has been swept. You've had this BIG_ email account since 2009. I believe I would find you've been meeting men for many years. However, If you pass a polygraph, I'll agree to stay and go to counseling to work on the marriage. If you fail, you will pack and go immediately and I won't see you again. (we have no kids) I found someone who can administer the polygraph at 7:30. Don't waste our $350 on a polygraph you're going to fail. I'll be even angrier since we can't really afford it.
He admits that it's happened with 20 guys over 2 years.
8/6 Counseling. Good guy. Looks like Ira Glass and David Sedaris put together, but younger, so I call him Ira S.
H says his last encounter was about a month ago. Counselor says the HIV test should e accurate, since it should've been long enough for antibodies to show. (foreshadowing music would play now if this were a film)
H has been online reading and thinks he's a sex addict. Claims he went to gay men because it was easy to hook up. Took a test. Says he's going to a meeting the next day.
8/7 I write to one of the encounters named J and ask if they used condoms. My husband claims he did, but I know how much H hates them. J says, "You don't have to worry about me." I say, "J, be realistic, if he didn't use them with you, he didn't use them with the other 19 guys, so we BOTH should be concerned." He plays with words and doesn't give me a direct answer.
I tell H I asked J about condom use and what did H think J told me? Tears well up in his eyes as H admits, no condoms.
H goes to meeting. I go to town online, looking at our phone records for tests and calls on the days that I was out of town, or H was out of town. I find suspicious numbers, check Spokeo, but find nothing definite. He returns. He has that wild eyed look.
Me: Well, it looks like you have more to tell me. I know 12 step programs say you must be completely honest
H: I saw you changed the password on our Verizon account and have been looking at calls/texts.
Me: You know what I found, right?
H: Yes. I hooked up with a guy last weekend when we were in X__
Me: (I am an actress by profession, thank goodness) Nodded.
Reader, X__ is our hometown. We drove the four hours to visit because I had family celebration of sorts. H didn't always come along. Now I know why! The night I stayed with my family at a Hotel Suite, he was hooking up with a RANDOME DUDE IN THE TOWN WE GREW UP IN!!!! And hooked up with a guy when I took my mother out of town for a few days.
Classy.
SO BASICALLY HE'S HELD A GUN TO MY HEAD FOR FIVE YEARS!
Where do I go with this anger? I'm so lucky to have four different days (so far) of finding out the husband who professes to love me more than life itself can put my life in danger. On Maslow's triangle, he took a shot at the fourth and fifth layer (but I know this is about him and not me, so my self esteem is fine), but worse, he has endangered, and through the lies potentially would have endangered the very building block of Physiological Well-being. Thank God two weeks ago, I had a minor injury that in a major way makes me unable to have sex.
My Excellent green head below is due to the fact that I'm not really in denial, because I have a clear picture of my husband with another man...literally!....but I laugh at the utter ridiculousness of the situation. I have no idea what I plan to do.
Oh, and we're supposed to go on vacation with his whole family...SATURDAY! I have two days to decide. I guess I'll decide when I decide. But between you and me..I'm thinkin a flight to Paris would be in order.....
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