Foul Mood
I’m in a perfectly foul mood today. It seems that the world is full of jerks & there are very few nice people. This is why we can’t have world peace: because the jerks just have to be jerks!
I truly don’t know what to do with my son anymore. I miss the rapport that we regained over the summer. And I’m angry that all that we rebuilt means nothing to him when he has to do his work. I thought that would help & it didn’t. I can impose all the penalties in the world & he still stubbornly will NOT: do the work, tell me what he has or hasn’t completed, or even let me peacefully enter the room when he is doing the work. Oh, yeah, I could “force” my way in, but all that will accomplish is one big fight. And in the end he still won’t do it.
I asked him recently if he intends on finishing high school, or if he just wanted to drop out & work, or what. He did say he wanted to finish school (so there is some logic rattling around in there). But he sure isn’t doing anything to accomplish that. The 2 things that kill me are: 1-he’s only hurting himself by refusing to do the work, and 2-he really is capable of so much more. Yes, he has limitations. But I think the biggest limitation is what he is imposing on himself.
But back to the jerks…(of which I don’t count my son as one, but there are days!!!) There is 1 at work, who despite me being business-like (which I always am, no matter what), who INSISTS on being a jerk. But the funny thing is that he was a jerk in writing. So he’s a stupid jerk, too.
Some things are not quite right at church, either. Among many other things, there was a dispute between 2 of the ladies; a quiet dispute, but enough for me to hear. Basically, it’s about a schedule to “take in” this autistic member for dinner each Sunday. One person is not happy because more people are not signing up, and I guess something happened with the other person. One small part of me feels bad because I have not signed up at all. Yes, I know the church should take care of those who can’t take care of themselves. But right now I feel far to selfish to let a stranger in and take up my time. First, Sunday is the only full day I get with my husband. Second, it’s one of the few “me time” days that I have. And finally, I’m not sure what the dog will do—which is probably the most legitimate reason out of the 3. I don’t know if this guy likes/is afraid of dogs or not. And my dog does not like strangers.
Lately, because of all the other crap I’ve been dealing with, I have not felt like putting the emotional energy into caring at all. Call it Compassion Fatigue or selfishness or whatever. I just wonder if there’s anything wrong with how I’m feeling or what.
I truly don’t know what to do with my son anymore. I miss the rapport that we regained over the summer. And I’m angry that all that we rebuilt means nothing to him when he has to do his work. I thought that would help & it didn’t. I can impose all the penalties in the world & he still stubbornly will NOT: do the work, tell me what he has or hasn’t completed, or even let me peacefully enter the room when he is doing the work. Oh, yeah, I could “force” my way in, but all that will accomplish is one big fight. And in the end he still won’t do it.
I asked him recently if he intends on finishing high school, or if he just wanted to drop out & work, or what. He did say he wanted to finish school (so there is some logic rattling around in there). But he sure isn’t doing anything to accomplish that. The 2 things that kill me are: 1-he’s only hurting himself by refusing to do the work, and 2-he really is capable of so much more. Yes, he has limitations. But I think the biggest limitation is what he is imposing on himself.
But back to the jerks…(of which I don’t count my son as one, but there are days!!!) There is 1 at work, who despite me being business-like (which I always am, no matter what), who INSISTS on being a jerk. But the funny thing is that he was a jerk in writing. So he’s a stupid jerk, too.
Some things are not quite right at church, either. Among many other things, there was a dispute between 2 of the ladies; a quiet dispute, but enough for me to hear. Basically, it’s about a schedule to “take in” this autistic member for dinner each Sunday. One person is not happy because more people are not signing up, and I guess something happened with the other person. One small part of me feels bad because I have not signed up at all. Yes, I know the church should take care of those who can’t take care of themselves. But right now I feel far to selfish to let a stranger in and take up my time. First, Sunday is the only full day I get with my husband. Second, it’s one of the few “me time” days that I have. And finally, I’m not sure what the dog will do—which is probably the most legitimate reason out of the 3. I don’t know if this guy likes/is afraid of dogs or not. And my dog does not like strangers.
Lately, because of all the other crap I’ve been dealing with, I have not felt like putting the emotional energy into caring at all. Call it Compassion Fatigue or selfishness or whatever. I just wonder if there’s anything wrong with how I’m feeling or what.
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