Format Change V
Wow! ! ! Has it really been 3 months since I started the attempt to keep my therapy journal off-line? I amnae certain how many weeks it has been since I worked the attempted format change. For now, that detail doesnae seem terribly important. It has been an action packed 3 months and keeping the timelines clear on all that action is, possibly, the fatal flaw in the off-line attempt. The attempted format was closer to novel format, without dates and locations. My scrambled memory banks arenae ready to navigate without the external assurance I get from being able to review my journal entries. My memory has improved mightily for the therapy work, but it isnae likely my memory will ever achieve the flow capacity of an undamaged memory bank.
As the new foster care arrangement settles through the fourth week, all 5 members of the new household seem to be finding their routine. Seem to be. . . Morings and bedtimes are starting to move on automatic pilot. With the start and end of the days stabilized, the days typically flow with greater ease. 4 weeks isnae much time in establishing routines, but the signs are optimistic.
As the foster care thread stabilizes (prayers in progress), the housing upgrade seems to be gaining momentum. We have been waiting on the property survey which will allow us to apply for the building permits. That survey was performed last week and we should have the paperwork sometime this week. Local building permits are currently feeling a boom crisis as this piece of cattle country is being swallowed up by the encroaching metroplex. The existing civil structures cannae keep up with the development demands. The resulting legal shuffling has it so not even the most savvy of local contractors can predict what will happen with any given permit application. Life willing, the contractor teams we have chosen will still be available after the bureaucratic shuffle has given the "Yay." We see what grows.
The chosen house site is nearer to the turkey den than this house is. Near enough that the turkey babies follow us out there with confidence. We are still reluctant to allow them to follow us to this house. It is far enough that we worry they will get lost on the way. The GDs and I have taken to playing house where we use boards, sticks and stones to draw in the doors, porch, etc., while the turkey babies catch grasshoppers in the various rooms of the house. Big Sister is getting to be quite the grasshopper hunter in her own right. It really makes her day when the turkeys snatch a live grasshopper from her fingers. The grasshopper season is drawing to a close and crickets are taking their place. Crickets are top shelf turkey salad, too.
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I think it's great the kids are learning the benefit of bugs and how to catch them. Good exercise too!
Back in July I was nearly in tears to see fat rolls on big sister's knees. Big bro was counting calories like an anorexic in training. Somehow, the calorie counting six year old was more disturbing than chubby knees on a 3 year old. The morbid obesity on mother's side of the family is the most consistent of their lifestyle statements and . . . ouch. Here, nearly a month later, Big Sis is outrunning grasshoppers. Big bro is no longer counting calories.
Big hug for you sweetie..... If you don't mind can you give me some 'memory' tips.... Mine is terrible.... I'm not exaggerating either.... I've been worried however my pdoc thinks it's anxiety related
Time must be flying by for you right now.... I'm so glad that a routine is established … Routines are so important and also give us some peace of mind
A new house to!!…. That will be amazing.....I think it would be awesome to have a home built just as I wanted it to be..... Nice
Another hug.... You and your family remain in my prayers..... xo
With all the shifts in your life, I would put the journal pattern low on the list. Glad the children have gotten past the weight concerns that parents gave them. Children do so well with routines, just adds to their security, even when they may protest. Thank goodness you have them at highly flexible ages. Best of luck on rapid approvals for the new house. Must be fun to see baby turks and GD all hunting grasshoppers. Hugs.
Trivial pursuit is my favorite memory exercise, Jan. Not the board game, but pulling something out of my past and verifying the details of the memory. I call it, "My Daily Memory Check." Could be a song, a school lesson, movie, political event or whatever. Just something to stimulate and exercise my memory power. On my bad memory days, I fail the memory check and ply gentle acceptance and awareness to the fact that I am operating under a handicap that day.
In my case, psychotherapy helped allot too. A vicious habit of "Forgive and Forget" was the mechanism of my memory damage and changing the repression habits was essential. Memory repression is pretty much an either/or proposition. You don't get to repress certain memories without damaging the entire process. Repression *is* premeditated memory damage.
I'm seeing the housing upgrade as a necessary evil. The farm house on this property wasn't much of a house when it was built 100 years ago. At present, it has bandages on top of bandages and is one emergency after another. I'm not exaggerating when I say I expect the front of the house to fall off any day now. Literally. The weight of the window AC has been pulling it out for years. The crack is currently at 3 inches in some spots. There are spots on the floor that feel mushy enough for little ol' me to fall through. I shudder when the bigger members of the family use the toilet which sits on the mushiest spot of the soggy floor.
I prefer restoring old buildings over building new ones, but this place needs to be empty before we even look at its rotting foundation.
Thanks so much.... I should try that.... I read a lot and that can help with stimulation however I can read the same book over and over because I don't remember most of the book!!
That's dangerous for sure and I love character homes/buildings as well.... Maybe some parts of it can be restored??… Some doors or built in and reused for special memories?
I love old doors ….xo
It sounds like being there with you and hubs is the best medicine for the GKids. And just maybe , for you too. Triple hugs of support
Alas, the materials used in this house were substandard and all the doors, et al, have been replaced along the way. I'm not much of an antique hound, but I have restored enough buildings to have an uncertain level of awareness. We are looking into the potentials for restoring the house for the sake of rounding out the compound. The brood house, hay and dairy barns restored nicely enough to make it worth (maybe) restoring the house to make it a matched set. In my current fantasy, the old house will be a retail center and the original compound will be commercial. The new house will be behind the hay barn, close enough for an easy, pedestrian commute to work but far enough to keep business and family a little separate.
Reading doesn't seem to help much with my memory woes. New stimuli is one of the tools I used to repress memories. When I couldn't handle the memories, I frequently attempted to bury them under new information and ideas. Some of my shrinks put it under the "Over-compensation" psychosis. Child prostitution is quite allot to compensate for and I do tend to over-do just about everything.
I miss reading. . . Even with my best reading glasses, the words don't stay still on the page for me any more. All the more reason I am grateful for the memory work I have done. I can still travel the Yukon with Jack London, even though I can't read the books again.
I just don't know about you Arfie...I think you do leaps and bounds over Superman....faster than the speed of light you've rebuilt, refurnished, animals, honey bee's and hubby too. Now the the grand kids...I just love the sound of 'play time and the routine' that has been created...most especially the loss of 'body watching'...how very sad, kids are under so much pressure today!
My best too you and yours as the building takes formation, no doubt with little hands learning So Much, no in books, not on computers, not tv...Hands On Learning with two Adults Who Love Them Dearly!!
It only looks fast from a detached distance, ML. All that happened over a significant length of time, one small step at a time. Sustainable persistence has gotten me much further than the chaotic speed of leaps and bounds.