Forgiveness Comes from Understanding

 I had a verbally abusive parent. I wrote him out of my life. I to this day suffer from his abuse. I'm now 45yo. I do think I have forgiven him, not that I can tell him that. He died when I was 21yo. My reason for forgiving him came just a year or two ago when I realized he was very mental ill and abused as well. But back in that day there was no help or understanding for him or us kids.
 If he was alive now I would tell him that I forgive him, and that I was sorry that he had suffered so bad, but just because I understand that he had no control over his illness didn't mean that I would have him in my life. I still needed to avoid further harm to myself.
 I honestly thought I would never forgive him. What changed for me was the knowledge
I gained. (Almost exclusively here in DS.)
 I don't believe that we have to forgive to get better.