Forgiveness and Gratitude
I know I need to finally get to those two things to let it all go, and be done with the emotions.
But I will be straight up, right now I wish I could see that he was suffering at least a little over the end of this relationship.
Financially (like I am), Emotionally (like I am). Maybe he has some emotional suffering and I hope so. (BAD ME). I also highly doubt it.
I know this is juvenile and immature and counterproductive thinking and feeling but damn, I am human. I am going to feel like I feel, until I don't.
I am not sure how to get to the forgiveness thing. Gratitude I can maybe find, for what WAS good, when it was, and learn from that.
Any advice on forgiveness is welcome, from any view point.
Amy
But I will be straight up, right now I wish I could see that he was suffering at least a little over the end of this relationship.
Financially (like I am), Emotionally (like I am). Maybe he has some emotional suffering and I hope so. (BAD ME). I also highly doubt it.
I know this is juvenile and immature and counterproductive thinking and feeling but damn, I am human. I am going to feel like I feel, until I don't.
I am not sure how to get to the forgiveness thing. Gratitude I can maybe find, for what WAS good, when it was, and learn from that.
Any advice on forgiveness is welcome, from any view point.
Amy
Replies
It\'s true what they say...when you forgive you let the prisoner free and you realize the prisoner was you. Let it go. Let it all go. And then, and only then, you may feel that peace of mind you are looking for. When I think of my ex I try and send him some light and love. Is it easy? No. But the alternative is being angry, mad, vindictive...and all that is doing is raising my blood pressure. He doesn\'t even know I am mad! So do it for you and no one else.
We are of similar minds. I too want to see that my stbx is suffering over the loss of our relationship. I\'m making little progress towards forgiveness. Some days I resent being told I have to forgive him. I\'m not his priest. Let him look for absolution elsewhere. I read \"Releasing a Person\" last week. I will say that reading it and doing the guided meditation helped me not to ask my husband questions about our relationship when I saw him tonight. It didn\'t get me to forgiveness but I feel pointed in that direction. It\'s only 40 pages so I\'m going to try reading it once a week or so until I\'m ready to let go.
Although I don\'t wish my ex bad things (ok, maybe now and then) and I pray for him that he will find peace and whatever he seems to be searching for. Is he hurting? I would like to think he did miss me from time to time. Is he hurting financially like I am? Highly doubtful. Is he looking to find someone else like I am, who knows and it will kill me if and when I hear about it. But I do know that I was good for him and if I wasn\'t enough for him, highly unlikely he\'ll find anyone else who will put up with his crap. I try to look at my broken marriage as a life lesson. I learned about true love from him, how to treat a wife, how to be kind, gentle all the things a woman wants but then the reality of life steps in and slaps me across the face--he left, he broke my heart, How someone can just walk away, I\'ll never understand....EVER. Where do their good qualities go?
Amy, you\'re almost there. The forgiveness will come in time, no need to dwell on that just yet. You need to take care of business and take care of you. He at the moment doesn\'t deserve anything from you, just get things taken care of regarding the divorce and go from there, you\'re doing great!!!! Hugs
Thanks yougo, I am getting there.
I am generally a very forgiving person, and forgive and forget. This is just going to take time, distance and a change in my perspective on my life.
We are getting there....all of us.
Amy
I wish I could have sage advice but frankly, I want my ex to realize what a complete ass he was..and how he blew it. I don\'t think.that\'s gonna happen though. Just focus on you..be the best Amy you can be. As Ivana Trump said..success is the best revenge!
Panther,
Ivana was right. And her ex is such an ass,,,
He is..but he\'ll never know it cause he has money and can get 30 yr old women even with that horrible hair ;)
He is so gross! I could tell some stories, one of my best friends knew his daughter while going to college with her. Yikes. And he just bought a vineyard down here in Virginia, and we all want his rich sorry ass gone.
I would do anything to have my ex mourn me like i am mourning. I would hope that someday, maybe not until he is his deathbed, and probably not even then, but i hope someday he will know the depth of pain and torture that he has done to me and admit and realize that he should not have wronged me. I want him to admit to himself and to me that he did very bad things to me and treated me terribly. I want him to miss me and want me back, but then cant get me. I want him to feel desperate to win me back, but only to realize that after 16 years of treating me like a jerk he finally blew it for the last time. I want him to be devestated at losing me. That would be perfect. Too bad it wont happen!
Amy hang in there i think these are common thoughts lots of people have at one point or another , this will pass in time Big hug !
Thanks Candy and Rebecca. It is a normal human emotion, if not the nicest of all. It is passing a bit more, day by day.
The No Contact Rule helps...but when you HAVE to have contact it all comes undone.