for my Max

For Max

The hurt the pain in my heart I keep
So tired all the time from lack of sleep
I miss u ,I want u, I need you here
losing you was my biggest fear
I ask myself so many times a day
why did you leave and just not stay?
how can someone so small cause so much pain?
sometimes I feel like going insane
I want to hear your cry, your laugh, your fears
but all I hear are the sounds of my tears
So tiny , so young you were not givin a chance
No we never even got our special dance.
dance at your wedding, graduation or just for fun
I dreamed so many times of our days in the sun
To hold you close and never let go
I could hear the music so pretty and slow
Ill never know your favorite food
or cheer you up from your worst mood
Ill never know what makes you smile
I miss you so much my dear sweet child
Ill never know your favorite color
Ill never hear you call me mother
Ill never know what makes you cry
Ill never know what makes you reach for the sky
Ill never get to see your first step
Ill never get to comfort you while you wept
Ill never get to read you your favorite book
Il never get that"your crazy mommy" look
Ill never know with what hand you would write
Ill never get to lecture you after your first fight
Ill never get to see you blow out your birthday candle
Ill never know if I was more than you can handle
Ill never get to see your first day of school
Ill never get to hear how classmates can be so cruel
Ill never know your favorite song
Ill never get to hear you sing along
Ill never get to meet your first girlfriend
Ill never get to comfort you if it were to end
Ill never get to see you with your helmet on for fun
football, baseball, Id always be there cheering for my son
Ill never to get to teach you how to drive
or thank God when we get out of the car were still alive
Ill never lose sleep cause your out to late
or see your smile on your first date
Ill never get to teach you wrong from right
Like not to spit, pinch or bite
Ill never know your favorite toy
or if your first bestfriend would be  girl or boy
Ill never know the color of your eyes or hair
or how good it feels when you learn to share
Ill never hear funny stories you would tell
All ill miss is like living in hell
My heart so aches for the things that will never be
I don’t understand why God took you from me
Maybe one day I will understand at all
How someone can bring so much love that was so small
Maybe one day there will be fewer tears
maybe one day there will be fewer fears
I know that when my time here is done
that is when I will reunite with you my beautiful son
I know in my heart I will hold you once more
but until then, with angels wings in heaven you will soar
Maybe one day my heart may relax
but no mater what you will always be my "lil monkey" Max