for love is blind and jaded

So... last i wrote about that silly thing I did. I am going to see a psychiatrist now.. and I finally opened up a window to my past that I thought I had forgotten - to my parents. They were.. well I am not sure they believe me. They think maybe that it wasn't as it seemed and it makes things hard to handle when people you love don't think something bad happened. My mother still blames herself for all things wrong with me in my life which is bullshit.. she wants to go to therapy together which I have already turned down. I have my own things to handle first before I go with her. Next, my biological father lives here in the city now.. just great. I could have met up with him somewhere and not even known it. As the years progress the only thing I want to know is medical history since I haven't got a very good one to begin with. My Dad doesn't like the idea of me going to meet him.. I don't blame him. But none the less its something I may consider doing in the near future.I realize now where my passion is in life. I have taken some time to really think about things and I know I need to stay on my meds and not fuck around. I have gone back to doing my art and re-engaging my love for folk and mystic music. I love my job. I really do. I have never been happier where I am and I find it extroardinarily rewarding. With the nice weather on hand soonI have began riding again to and from work. Keeps me in shape and makes me feel so free considering I cannot afford a car right now. I am taking time to myself and being rather anti social but I think its doing me some good. I find that the people I have in my life sometimes are more of a hinderance to me getting better than being helpful. I have lost most contact from Josi and I am upset about that. I know she is a good person but that she is just a little misguided sometimes. I understand because of her issues with personality dissorder that she may have jaded me without fault against her. I guess I take a loving side too close to heart when its not meant to be there at all so its my fault and not hers. I wish we could talk again though, I felt we may have had a connection but since she has a new woman in her life she's more than busy. I miss her..I really have nothing more to write about except if anyone has any herbal sleep ideas. I have been cursed with Insomnia again.. for love is blind... and jaded