For Fuck's Sake (I might be awfully intoxicated)

So I guess this is part of my "therapy". And they won't leave me alone if I don't write a journal... I'm not fond of pen and paper so I'll do it here. Also, I'll clear out what I am. I am not depressed! I do not have any disease and I am not suicidal although the thought of it crosses my mind constantly.As far as I'm aware, I'm emotionaly detached, apathetic, indifferent and overall I don't care about anything. I was "invited" to join this site so to speak, because I'm apparently a danger to myself and others since I have no care for my life... My lack of will to exist oddly interferes with other people's ability to do so. Maybe this is a case of knowing too much for my own good, and what I know is disgust for everything and everyone I know or not. In a previous post I talked about a girl who I had a long-term commitment to. In a month that same girl was able to destroy everything I felt was good in my life... Maybe I vented on a social-media site that I wanted to crack her skull against a wall and watch her brains drain out... Well... she did cheat on me with my friend... And killed my bird because it was "annoying"... I do believe that is what got me into this suicide/murder watch... Right after all that, I had an accident with my bike and ended up smashed against the concrete on a highway...But all this was just the reason I got screwed. I was already a selfish insensitive fuck way before her... It was charming she said... Some people just don't know what they're messing with untill it fucks their life up and she learned the hard way by forcing a relationship. Yes I grew to "love" her... She just didn't want to deal with me. I still hate that she cheated on me, betrayal is... cold...I am now on watch, and I hope someone realizes I'm just a cold and distant asshole who just wants to be left alone.