focus

I need to focus on all the positive things going on in our lives here at home because the negatives are starting to (or seem to outweigh the positive events).  First the negativeL:  I had taken J's phone away from him a few weeks ago.  He managed to find it but didn't say a word to me.  I can be just as "shady" as him.  I checked on the cell phone usage section, on-line, and discovered that he had the phone back.   I had two options - either call the phone company and shut it off OR look for it when he is not around.  I knew he had to charge it up but didn't want to in his room because he knew where I'd find it.........SO........the next likely spot was the extra room where no one sleeps.  I used to charge up my phone in there when T would try and take my phone last year when I would turn his off.   I know the tricks.  I also know that J text messages.  Saw the word HEROIN on his phone......not good.  Husband and I had a very good conversation.  I told him that the two of us need to sit down and come up with a contract.  He isn't working, going to school, helping out around here, sleeps all hours,  leaves after he wakes up, and now (no surprise) ....drug talk.  My heart goes out to him so much (more than T's - in a way) because of his past depression issues and health issues.  He's in a rut and needs help.   I told my husband about the expectations we have for him - need to be "written down - and consequences.  Immediately, he says "I dont' want to kick him out" and punishment doesn't work!"  Here we go again.  I explained to him, again, that we are NOT punishing him.  We need to spell out IN WRITING - together- what we expect.  And then it's his choice whether he follows through or not.  Otherwise, nothing will change.  If he has an addiction, then we will be enabling him.  He would have no reason to stop.  Part of the contract, I would like to include, is having him to for an assessment.  So we'll see..... Positive:  There are lots of positive things in our lives that are too many to mention.  I am thankful for those and will continue to try and focus on them......