Focus

In all reality, I had a good night last night.  My husband and I decided to start going to the YMCA together and drop the kids at the Ycare.  So we did that for an hour before coming home.  Not that there is really any communication while you're working out, but at least we were at the same place, same time, doing a mutual activity.  We were able to have a 2 hr conversation after we got the kids to bed and try to listen to each other.  No fighting, mostly agreements and understanding.  I came away from the conversation with a positive feeling.  We are at the stage right now, where we can have 2 maybe 3 good days/evenings of conversation and getting along before a day of pain or conflict arrises.  To me, that's more good than bad, so it's progress.  In the last 3 weeks I have only gone to bed mad at him one night and it was repaired by the time we got up.  So anyway, after the good conversation we fell asleep curled up together until our 2 yr old woke up and joined us in bed.  But really, it was a good night.  So I thought I was steady in my resolve to really focus on the positive today and try to have a great day all the way through.  Listening to KLOVE this morning, trying to get a bible reading in, and just focusing on the positive behaviors he has exhibited lately and know that this is God's plan for my life(even though I NEVER would have chosen this path for myself!)I'm trying to be at peace with it.  Why is that so much easier said than done??!!  I can't seem to focus on my goal and get out of my own head.  I start thinking about his actions, the things he's doing wrong instead of the things he's doing right and I get mad and start yelling at him in my head.  I am still SO mad I just can't seem to get past even the little things.  And all I do is end up ruining MY day, and being grumpy.  Argh!!!