FML

Nobody cares enough to read these anymore anyways, just like almost everyone in my life when I really need someone they dissappear, they get sick,die,run away ,or just plain don't give a Damn about me . Why should this be any different for me,so yes I'm writing this as a way to talk to myself to figure this out .... to try and find some peace or some meaning , again I ask the question why I can't be loved by a man ever.... in my entire life ,my father denied that he could have kids, I remember being 6 yrs old and begging my mom to tell me about my dad,did I look like him,did I like the same things he did ,why he didn't want to see me or be my daddy ? She never could answer that for me... So fine I didn't have a dad and had some piss poor excuses for stepdads... whatever moving on ,here I am a grown woman who has fallen in love and guess what he didn't love me back ,so who cares, moved on ,next guy says he loves me,didn't love me back ,and again and I just kept letting them hurt me time and time again ,I kept thinking one day they will love me ,here I am at 34 married (unhappily ) to a man who won't have a conversation with me ,who won't touch me ,never says I love u unless I say it first ,I feel so ugly and all alone ,I'm living with a stranger ,someone who never wants to cuddle up close to me in bed ,never wants to watch movies with me or slow dance with me in the living room ,I've been a good faithful wife ,who cooks ,cleans ,works ,pays bills and I just feel so unloved and lonely,got married so I wouldn't grow old alone and look at me doing it anyways ,I know I'm not the prettiest girl ,hell not even average,but why didn't just one of the guys I love ,love me back ,I can't stop crying and feeling like my prayers for love are all unanswered , oh well guess I will be alone forever and never get to feel happiness or love ,can't stop crying long enough to write anything else