Floating
Well, I made it though another weekend. I can get through several hours (if not almost a whole day) without crying, so that's a positive thing. not that there is anything wrong with crying, but it is nice to not have red, swollen eyes all the time. I still don't wear mascara, just in case. But it's basically like floating through time. I am not really engaged in anything, I don't really care about anything, I don't feel happy ever. I am just floating through each day.
DH and I went to bed bath and beyond yesterday and what do i see? a "baby's first hanukkah" stocking. We are an interfaith family. I about lost my mind right there. but I kept breathing until we paid and got to the car, where I couldn't stop the tears. little but painful reminders like that pop up all the time. I am sure many of you can relate.
I already told my family and DH that i want NO singing, NO candles, NOTHING regarding "celebrating" my birthday next month. We can go to dinner "in honor" of it, but I have nothing to celebrate right now.
I feel like I am dead inside.
DH and I went to bed bath and beyond yesterday and what do i see? a "baby's first hanukkah" stocking. We are an interfaith family. I about lost my mind right there. but I kept breathing until we paid and got to the car, where I couldn't stop the tears. little but painful reminders like that pop up all the time. I am sure many of you can relate.
I already told my family and DH that i want NO singing, NO candles, NOTHING regarding "celebrating" my birthday next month. We can go to dinner "in honor" of it, but I have nothing to celebrate right now.
I feel like I am dead inside.
Replies
I\'m so familiar with the floating through time concept. I wish I wasn\'t. It\'s amazing how many triggers there are, it\'s a wonder anyone can move past a mc and ever really heal. As always, sending big hugs and strength your way.
I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring. I know many of us can relate to the extraordinary suffering you feel. All I can say is it will eventually get better. It won\'t go away, I still have my moments, but it will get a lot better. Hoping for quick healing for you and sending you a big hug.
My heart aches for you and your hubby. Continue to be easy on yourself and take care of your heart hun. Sending big hugs to you!
I\'m sorry you\'re hurting so much. Thinking about you!!
I ditched my 40th birthday. I really wanted the classic party for turning 40. I did not have the energy to celebrate at that time. Its okay to feel that way. I hope your pain will be behind you soon. Not forgotten, just in the past. Hugs.
thank you all so much for your support