First ultrasound. No heartbeat. Baby's gone.
Just back from my first ultrasound. I'm supposed to be 7weeks 4 days along my pregnancy..... supposed to be. They couldn't find a heartbeat. Hell, they couldn't find the embryo. My heart is breaking. To come so far and be so close and then to go back to square one. I'm beyond....
I had a feeling something was not right. They found the placenta but no embryo. They predict that I lost the baby just after my positive pregnancy test. So this whole time I thought everything was going well, it seems stupid there was no baby there this whole 3 weeks. I was talking to nobody. My hormones continued to go up because the placenta was still growing. So this whole 3 weeks has been not actually real.
The doc said it would have been a chromosomal defect (is that the correct spelling), a genetic defect of some sort so the embryo stopped growing and it's not my fault. I get it. I know it's bad luck, it's not the right time, not the right embryo. But it doesn't make my heart hurt less. I thought the fight was over. I mean I knew I'd have to pass first trimester but I kept telling myself "you're in the home stretch!"
I even picked out the hospital and obstetrician. I even started saving little baby clothes online in my favourites folder. I even downloaded every pregnancy app I could find and researched all I could. I was so close.
I feel numb. Just numb.
I guess this mean more IVF, more injections, more anxiety, more not knowing if and when, more of the same old shit. I really thought it was my time. I really did.
I had a feeling something was not right. They found the placenta but no embryo. They predict that I lost the baby just after my positive pregnancy test. So this whole time I thought everything was going well, it seems stupid there was no baby there this whole 3 weeks. I was talking to nobody. My hormones continued to go up because the placenta was still growing. So this whole 3 weeks has been not actually real.
The doc said it would have been a chromosomal defect (is that the correct spelling), a genetic defect of some sort so the embryo stopped growing and it's not my fault. I get it. I know it's bad luck, it's not the right time, not the right embryo. But it doesn't make my heart hurt less. I thought the fight was over. I mean I knew I'd have to pass first trimester but I kept telling myself "you're in the home stretch!"
I even picked out the hospital and obstetrician. I even started saving little baby clothes online in my favourites folder. I even downloaded every pregnancy app I could find and researched all I could. I was so close.
I feel numb. Just numb.
I guess this mean more IVF, more injections, more anxiety, more not knowing if and when, more of the same old shit. I really thought it was my time. I really did.
Replies
I\'m so sorry this is happening to you. You just need to remember that you didn\'t do anything to cause this, and that your time WILL come. It sucks so bad that your time isn\'t right now. I know how much your heart must be hurting. I\'m so sorry :(
I\'m so sorry for your loss.
I\'m so incredibly sorry. I know nothing I can say will help the hurt, but know that I\'m thinking of you hun.
I am so so sorry. Your words broke my heart. I remember those feelings so vividly from those first days. Nothing anyone says can make it better. Be tender with yourself. There is nothing like this pain in all of creation. Circumstances of miscarriage are different...but the pain is the same. It is a gut-wrenching loss of a child you already knew and loved in your heart. Even if its body was no longer growing, I believe its spirit was still near you. Your child heard and knew your love. Please, please know this. In your darkest moments, know that I have felt your pain, cried your tears and am sending you so much love.
I am so sorry to read this...I know that words can not fix anything but please know that we are all here for you.
I\'m so very sorry for your loss. My first mc was the same and I think what madeit worst was that my body kept thinking it was pregnant even after 2 u/s confirmed there was no baby. I hope the physical healing will start soon so you can try to move forward.
we are here for you in this difficult time.
I\'m so sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you. I know there is nothing that can take your pain away, but I want you to know I\'m thinking of you and sending love.
I\'m so sorry to hear of your loss. I, too, suffered a miscarriage after our first positive IUI. Time will heal some of the pain but you never truly forget. Sending hugs!
I\'m so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.
Heartbreaking news! my heart is with you.
Thank you everyone. Thank you.
this is nor fair...sooo sorry...big hugs and thinking of you..