First time talking aout it and scared
I have never talked about what happened to me and I am scared to talk about it. I just turned 19 and i know this was a while ago but all the memories that I have buried for so long keep coming back and I hate having the images and memories. I have not talked about this to anyone since it happened.I just dont know what to do. I cant talk to my parents and I dont even know where to start its suck a hard convosation to have even at this age. I have the fear that when I tell my BFF or boyfriend how they will react and leave me. It seems easier to just keep it a secret but yet suffering is no fun either. Im stuck and dont know where to turn.
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If you look back through the postings, there is a thread called My Story, or something like that. I think I would start by telling your story there. For me at least, it was easier to write it down than to say it at first. I don\'t know wha t you mean by \"a whie\" ago but I just was there as a friend told about what had happened to her 12 years before. She actually relived it, with all the fears and tears. I think it was Frieud would stated that the part of our brain where emotions are stored has no clock. Maybe one reason my recovery was so much easier than many I see on Ds is because I have virtually no memory of specific incidents and have no idea who my first abuser was. It is erased from my mind as much as if I were DID.
I have told my story a number of times now and everytime I do, I feel less emotion and much less guilt..even though I know it was not my fault..that message has not quite made it to my gut.
I didn\'t tell anyhone I don\'t think until I was 50 which was about 46 years after it started. I would not recommend anyone wait that long. But there may come a time when you will not be able to not talk about it to someone. .
I did post i t on a disscussion. I didnt post it under my story though. It help a little to get it out there and find support among others. Thank you for sharing and letting me know im not alone and it will hopefully get easier. Im sorry for what happened to you and glad you were able to talk about it eventually. Thanks again.