First time
Bear with me this is my first journal entry.
I need a turning point, a hand up. I can't believe I cut again today. I hide it well,no one knows not even my roommate. Before last week it had been at least a year since I did it last. I just get this feeling, it's hard to explain, it's like I need air and the only way I can breathe is to cut. I get irritable, mad, depressed, I cry, the only way to make it all stop and relax is to drag the blade across my skin over and over.
I'm not sleeping well, I can't get to sleep at nigh and I can't get up in the morning, or as of late nearly afternoon.
I was laid off last month, it was a temporary job but still, I had some EI to fall back on until my student loan comes in so money is okay but not the best.
I'm starting college again next week, I am terrified. I failed last time, it's hard to concentrate allot. My student loan doesn't come in until two weeks after I start so I can't get any books or supplies, it's so frustrating I feel unprepared and helpless,like it's all out of my control.
I guess that's where the cutting comes in, it's so morbid and people see it as taboo because of attention seeking teenagers. The difference between me and them... No one knows I do it.
I'm just so tired, I hate my meds. It's hard to talk to my parents, I feel guilty. They're a;ready under allot of stress and my dad suffers from PTSD, my mom already has her hands full.
More than half of my life has been shadowed by depression. I've even been hospitalized for it. I don't know if I can survive this forever, why can't there be a cure!
I need a turning point, a hand up. I can't believe I cut again today. I hide it well,no one knows not even my roommate. Before last week it had been at least a year since I did it last. I just get this feeling, it's hard to explain, it's like I need air and the only way I can breathe is to cut. I get irritable, mad, depressed, I cry, the only way to make it all stop and relax is to drag the blade across my skin over and over.
I'm not sleeping well, I can't get to sleep at nigh and I can't get up in the morning, or as of late nearly afternoon.
I was laid off last month, it was a temporary job but still, I had some EI to fall back on until my student loan comes in so money is okay but not the best.
I'm starting college again next week, I am terrified. I failed last time, it's hard to concentrate allot. My student loan doesn't come in until two weeks after I start so I can't get any books or supplies, it's so frustrating I feel unprepared and helpless,like it's all out of my control.
I guess that's where the cutting comes in, it's so morbid and people see it as taboo because of attention seeking teenagers. The difference between me and them... No one knows I do it.
I'm just so tired, I hate my meds. It's hard to talk to my parents, I feel guilty. They're a;ready under allot of stress and my dad suffers from PTSD, my mom already has her hands full.
More than half of my life has been shadowed by depression. I've even been hospitalized for it. I don't know if I can survive this forever, why can't there be a cure!
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