First post - today I saw my kids

Fathers Day  I thought I would start with my first post and bring something positive to the journal.  My parents came down to see me and help with the Children. When they arrived at my lodgings I was not in a good way at all. I suppose it does need a little explaining before I go on. OK so my marriage went belly-up, then possibly because of the stress involved I developed a DVT, which did allow me some grace so I wouldn't have to think about my marriage breakup, I know people may think that If they've had a DVT that they should be worried about another one developing or that perhaps some people will think that they would be concerned about dying of a PE, but to be honest I havn't really thought about it too much, becuase what worries me more than that t, was the marriage breakup, it feels so very terrible it's like a bereavment. Oh and my job ended at the same time too, lots of bad things happened all at once. I also have, or feel like I have zero friends, and the lack of human beings close to me, is probably the worst thing of all.  So I'm taking my medication for my DVT (warfarin) and although my INR seems to be jumping up and down, I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't really worry to much about it, although I'm thinking I should demand weekly tests, because I'm on Fluoxetine for the depression and I was worried about drug interactions. I was also worried about having the taste of blood in my mouth which I get on waking and sometimes throughout the day, this has been going on for a couple of weeks, could be my gums, as they tend to bleed anyway before the treatment, so perhaps I'm overreacting.  I then recently I started to think that I have GAD, or SAD (not seasonal disorder but Social Anxiety Disorder) or both, my anxiety levels have shot up and although I'm taking Diazapam for the anxiety I'm trying hard not to push it and become dependant on them, I used to be a support worker, in fact it was my last job I had, and so I know how some of these drugs can mess you up long term.  So getting back today, my parents came around and I was extremely down, I couldn't find solutions to any of my problems, the Fluoxetine still hasn't kicked in yet. I'm missing my old life like crazy, and although I understand what has happened it's like my subconcious mind is refusing to let go. I wouldn't say I was suicidal but over the past couple of days, I was getting very desperate, feeling extremely isolated, and although I know I'm not losing my mind, it certainly felt like I was. Then today happened my parents came, we argued or I ranted about how I felt and how they didn't really understand what I'm going through, not really, and that this week end or for the past three days I could have done with staying with them for support, and they just were not there, perhaps I'm being slightly selfish but when I hit rock bottom, I really really need some human compaionship. And I understand how by me dwelling on me and my problems is making people back off, which is not what I want at all.  So I was alone for three days and nights all by myself and it was damn hard. So today me and my parents picked up my children and went to Clevedon which is like a seaside kind of a place, just up the road from where I live. It was great to see my kids again, and I felt normal for the most of the day. It was like a transformation had came about in me, I was no longer the person I was this morning upon waking. They certainly bring joy to my life, and I will miss them during the week when my ex-wife has them. I should really think of them when I'm low and remind myself that it is worth living just to see them. I do feel guilty for not doing exactly that when I was recently low, but when you're down you're down I guess.  This is why I'm feeling good today, not because I'm down, but because I saw my children and although it felt very sad at times, they bring me so much joy, but I'm also realistic because I have to see the GP tomorrow and explain to him, why I don't think going back to work would be such a great idea, or at least not full time.  It's odd because I felt so positive on my last opointment with him two weeks ago, and also today likewise and also when I spoke to the CPN. I told them both that it would be a good idea for me to go back to work, I felt ready, and they thought I was doing the right thing. But lets take one day at a time...   It was the day after I spoke to these people that I had the biggest crash I've ever had, and felt so low, and then the anxitety and depression really had an effect on my outlook.  Today was a good day for me, I will cherish it, and hope that it will sustain me, I really want to be a happy person, and I will try anything to attain it.